On any Saturday, you would be mistaken in thinking that c***s of the world have all taken a pilgrimage to this chaviest of towns. They seem to begin their worship by the fountain, then, in a sea of fake burberry, they make their way down to the real temple of worship….McDonalds. If you get in their way it can be incredibly dangerous as the sparks off the man made fibres of their kappa/adidas tracksuits, may cause your clothes to ignite. Indeed, the c**v girls have to be especially careful due to the sheer volume of hairspray they have had to use to scrape their hair back into a half permed pony tail.
As with all good c**v towns, there’s an abundance of very cheap supermarkets and shops. I believe the favourites to be Iceland, Asda and Kwiksave. The favourite c**v clothes shop has to be Bewise, so much so that when they complete the new ‘shopping mall’ they will be adding a second Bewise. Clearly the first one is unable to keep up with the demands of the populous.
All Nuneaton chavsters (like any decent, well respected c**v), enjoys perusing the delights of Elizabeth Duke at Argos, and in some pubs bouncers will bar you from entering unless you are wearing a clown pendant with moveable limbs and a ring with your intials or mum/dad on it.
As nightlife goes, they have a choice of two nightclubs…Modo and the newly renamed Liquid/Envy. As every c**v loves a good fight, be it boy or girl, both clubs have become firm favourites, and older, middle aged c**v ladies can be found grinding on the dancefloor in their seethrough tops. Actually they can be heard first, as the lifetime of gold jewellery they have collated rattles together.
The Nuneaton skyline also needs to be mentioned. The beautious Mount Judd once seen, can never be forgotten. The fact that it is made entirely from rubbish from the tip, is neither here nor there.
The accent is pure treacle i.e. thick. A proper Nuneatoner will never pronounce all letters in a word, for instance, I’m going down into the town’ is pronounced as ‘Uv guwin darn tarn’. As you can see, it’s a serious contender for the crown of most romantic accent.
So if you wish to visit a place that’s beautiful to look at, fun to go out in and is great for shopping, then I suggest you visit Edinburgh.