Newtown or as it is more affectionately known as “Dirtytown or Scumtown” is a lovely town situated in Mid Wales. It is an historic market town sited on the river Severn. Unfortunately it has well and truly been chavved by the Welsh Developments Agency’s brilliant idea to encourage factories into the town. It offered subsidised units and told prospective employers to “keep the wages down”. This inspired brilliance has led to a huge increase in the availability of cheap shell suits and piss poor gold jewellery. Closely followed by Pound-stretcher, Argos, the obligatory Maccy D’s along with shed loads of charity shops.
To house the influx of ***** there was an increase in quality estates built, 60’s style. (MMmmmmm). Now all the factories have pissed off because there discounted rates have expired we are left with all these delightful ***** who find it all too easy to milk the social rather than get off their arses. We have more registered Heroin users per head than Brixton and the best way to get a house these days is of course to become a single mother. Hooraah we have spawned a whole new generation of *****.
Outstanding nightlife is supplied by the only “Club” in the town Crystals (Cripples). Here you can go to watch the local ***** strut their stuff to any old ***** the sad old git who thinks he is a DJ plays. When you get kicked out by the knucklehead bouncers at 2am all the ***** are on display. The sad ones do circuits around the town in their chavved up Novas looking to create more single mums and the refined ones go to the local curry house for sustenance and a well earned fight.
Our only hope is that a nearby dam ruptures and washes all this **** down into the sea. We can but wish!