Newport, Gwent

Let me take you on a tour of the **** Hell that is Newport, Gwent.

Let’s start in Spytty (pronounced Spitty, nice touch eh? Retail Park – Packed with **** haunts such as MegaBowl, Poundstretcher, Kwik Save and JB Sports it’s easy to start a **** spotting tour here. The pushchairs and trackie bottoms abound. The young ***** sit on walls smoking, drinking and bonus! When the shops close, they try to **** theirselves by speeding round the car parks in their Metros – Go Faster stripes obligatory.

Sod this, let’s get the bus into town, we arrive at the bus station, best places for ***** are the Ringland (Number 8), Bettws (Number 18) anywhere that goes up to ‘The Valleys’ and the Duffryn (No 3) queues. Although **** spotting is usually also available in all the queues.

How grim is your Postcode?

As we walk up the stinking of piss stairway into John Frost Square and almost get knocked over by random young *****, we arrive in the square itself and hey! It’s a veritable ‘Pride of *****’ situation (What is a group of ***** called anyway?) Ah, shame the off licence closed, the ***** used to like a bit of White Lightning to while the day away in the Square.

Walk towards the Clock seating area for Single Mum **** Hell, they park up the pushchairs and have a ***, it’s Claaaaaaaaaassy to sit ‘in the square’ dont ya know? Even Claaaaaaaasier if you have a bag of chips from Vacaras!!!

Walk into the Kingsway shopping centre, walk down the the In Shops, WARNING! The In Shops are for seasoned professional **** Spotters ONLY!! The single mum ‘clock sitters’ congegate in the cafe when it’s raining, thoughtfully it even has a seating area for pushchairs in the smoking area! How considerate!

Walk quickly through the in shops, marvelling at the cheap jewellry store, the amusement aracade and the various compulsory ‘**** Attire’ clothing stores.

As you walk out, you will be greeted with the warm and welcoming sight of ARGOS!!! The **** Mecca!!!!!!!

God Help us all….

Top 50 worst places to live in England 2022 as voted for by you