Newhaven, East Sussex

East SussexSouth East

As you enter Newhaven (from either the ferry, the train or the 712 bus) you are suddenly swamped by chavs. They tend to hang around in groups of 5-7 in the day but this increases to about 500 in the night. Most of these chavs live up Gibbon road and each chav has about 20 siblings. These chavs are all very close to eachother as they are all related in some way whether it be cousins, brothers, sisters, uncles etc… The chavs which can afford cars and are old enough to drive (or they may not be old enough, it doesnt bother these chavs) tend to congregate in mc donalds and B&Q carpark in their shitty escorts and fiestas shouting things out to their fellow chav buddies things like ”Lets as 2nds on that fag carl”, and ”How many birds you shag up liberties last night then mate?”.

Liberties: The ultimate Newhaven chav hangout of an evening (a nightclub). Free entry and buy one get one free on drinks before 11… who the f**k would pay to get in their anyway and the drinks are out of date!! This is the place most girls in newhaven are inpregnated… (before the age of 14 of corse)… I think its actually a law in newhaven that you have to have 6 kids before the age of 19?! If the chavs are feelin adventourous of a day they may venture to either denton, south heighton or possible seaford if they can get away with bunking the train. however if they decide to stay in Newhaven they could enjoy smoking some solids in the towns multi-storey (all 2 levels of it) or they could take a trip to the town and rob from shops such as woolworths and erm… well thats the only shop there really apart from a charity shop and a bakery. For the chavs that dont have baths or showers in their houses they could become a member of the local swimming pool and pay as little as £4 to bath for up to an hour. When the chavs of Newhaven save up their pocket money they could take a trip to brighton, churchill square (another chav town in e.sussex), this is where the chavs of newhaven purchase their fake burberry and tn hats and joggin bottoms they tuck into their donay socks.

So if you are a chav then come to NEWHAVEN, its perfect for you… what more could you want?!

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