Written by Anonymous. Posted in East Sussex, South East, United Kingdom

Newhaven, “Gateway to Europe”, and the place with absolutely f**k all to do. (Oh and it is over 200 years old, last time I checked, that isn’t very new.)

Ah, Newhaven. What a place. Reading the previous articles on this ‘town’ – I have seen that there is perhaps a disagreement on whether Newhaven should be accepted into the chavtown catagory. Well, here is my case.
Exhibit A – a Mcdonalds (Maccie-D’s innit). With a carpark and lots of lovely F1 wannabe pricks in their w**k-mobiles. How often does a mention of Mcdonalds crop up on the ‘Chavtowns’ site? F*****g place is providing all the litter that is strewn with loving abandon by all the local chavs. Provide some bins you corporate twats (not that chavs would use them, but maybe any poor norms could).
Exhibit B – The idea that a Lidls could be built in Newhaven seems to have been gleefully accepted by the community. Great. A place like lidls in a run-down port -that another user has stated- that can’t even supply sailers with prostitutes! Newhaven looks bad enough without that weird German/Czech/Siberian ‘Supermarket’ making an appearence.
Exhibit C – The town centre, or lack of. A wasteland of betting shops (for the punter with giros burning holes in their trackie pockets), boarded up shop fronts, and a pigeon s**t festooned ‘nightclub’ called Libertys (sic). You would take a liberty going in there. S**T HOLE. An old school friend was knifed outside – thank God he recovered, but I have no idea if the cameras outside, or near ‘Death Alley’ caught the f*****g perp who did it. The off licence is pretty much the only shop that is immune to imminant closure.
The Newhaven chav is a very unusual species indeed. Rich enough to buy Nike TN’s (stands for Tuned Air – how cool is that to have emblazened on them eh folks?! They probably think it stands for something ‘street’) but not enough to dress in an individual way and actually escape towards the chav meccas of Brighton (10 miles west) or Eastbourne (12 miles east). How do they afford these £120 tn’s anyhow? Do they get TN vouchers along with their milk and bread tokens??? Why are they all wearing TN hats, which are blatently designed for runners and joggers. Twats. The newhaven chav is a poor relative of the Seaford chav or the Peacehaven chav. They can’t compete with them in terms of s**t bling or cars. Those two breeds are trend setters. If any of you need to get on the 12,13,14 or 712 buses, don’t go upstairs, as these sun/star/sport ‘reading’ f*****s will make your life hell. The Nike brand is the king here, it is worn by sports players (Like my self) and that is acceptable, but mainly by the Newhaven chavs who can’t afford even fake burberry. The chavs here love the tops/hats with the scribble writing (someone should design some items which say “I’m a chav c**t” over and over again, and then sell it to them, cos hey, they can’t read can they?!) and all the cheap sports shop ‘own brand’ crap. What is with the whole sock – tucked – trouser thing??? Is it the universal warning system of ‘I am a shoplifter’?
I am in Denton, a village occasionally plagued by the chav, but as there are few shops, they soon leave. Denton does seem to be the chav nursery though for the region, but hopefully these sprogs will grow up in the area and be clever enough to leave when they realise that there is nowt to do, which I guess is the cause of why all these tweenagers hang around on benches to start with. Denton has two concrete patches with basket ball hoops. These patches are 100 yards apart, so you can’t play any games which involve two sides with a hoop each. There is one cricket pitch, with arsoned pavilion, and a footie pitch that has more dog s**t than grass. And Denton is the nice area around Newhaven!
Briefly, I do a Uni course at an agricultural college, I will leave it un-named, but it is within 20 miles of said area, and even there, chavs abound. At an agricultural college! F**k me, there’s no escaping the little arsewipes. They wear white trackies and prison white classics, as well as £120 nikes at a college that is knee high in manure and mud. Go figure. Newhaven, on the A259 and A27. DRIVE STRAIGHT THROUGH. If you want a ferry port, Dover is fairly near. Newhaven will depress you!


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