New Brighton

A seedy ‘holiday’ resort full of crumbling 1920s buildings and crappy neon light **** hovels.
The journey from Liverpool to this ‘end of the line’ **** hangout takes approximately twenty minutes and can at times be a nightmare – especially during the school holidays when the ‘trackie in socks brigade’ and their cola rotten-toothed San and Trays are in tow. Typical **** day trip to New Brighton will start in Central Station when hoards of these ****** will descend the escalator in their minty tacksuits and filthy trainers, leaving trails of e-snack packets and cheap cola drink cans behind them.

The journey itself is a nightmare – they usually end up at the front of the train trying to escape the ticket inspector. Occasionally, they are caught and thrown off, but this happens infrequently, unfortunately. The coaches are filled with cig, weed smoke and e-numbers smells, and the seats covered with filth from their stinking trainers. More litter is left all over the floor.

Once in New Brighton, the ***** shuffle off to various hangouts, the main ones being the amusement arcades, where they try to get money by shoving the roll-a-penny machines and mugging goths, or the fairground, where they are often chased away by the dead-hard ******* who man the rides.

How grim is your Postcode?

Come the evening, they move into various bars, including The Albion, noted for its excrutiatingly bad karaoke and lax attitude to underage drinking. There are usually fights. Later still, they descend on what is probobly the worst nightclub on Merseyside, RJs. The smell of cheap aftershave and Woolies scent is almost overpowering, and the **** lads try to ‘bag off’ with the ‘talent’. There are usually fights.

At two thirty in the morning, New Brighton is littered with ***** in various states of drunkeness, some looking for fights, but most just spewing up in shop doorways. The evening ends with police wagons rounding up those still about, which is just as well because they’ve missed the last train and haven’t got the taxi fare home.

New Brighton – great place for any of you photographers to do a **** photoshoot – it’s got lovely light!