Much to my complete dismay I had the gross misfortune to spend two years of my life in this miserable s**t-hole! Soon after I moved in to this town I bumped in to an aquaintance who informed me that it is known to locals as New Chav Hell. Going to the local Co op in the evening was like running the gauntlet past chavvy little urchins, who not only looked in dire need of a good wash, but also had the cheek to try and tap you for money, booze and fags.
In the Summer things just got worse as the sun brought them out to sit on the grass opposite the shops on the High Street, drinking their tramp juice (Special Brew during the day!!!) always with their big dogs. Nevermind being able to afford to look after their devil chav-spawn kids, as long as you can feed yer rottweilers! And yes, as you can imagine the streets are a veritable minefield of dog shite as these feeble minded fuckwits saunter around with their stinking, drooling hounds. An otherwise pleasant walk along the canal becomes frought with peril as you try to dodge the s**t and worry about getting stabbed or raped.
Anyway I was unlucky enough to be stuck on one of the chavviest streets full of women who seemed to have nothing better to do than endlessly fire sprogs out of their dubious nether regions. Luckily my son and I no longer have to be scared of being mugged on the way to the shop, cause there are no shops where we have moved to and so no horrid stinking chav scum.