Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Outside the UK

Hail and Good Morrow from Sagebrushland-the Oil Patch-Moo/Lopie City!

After having read some of the postings on this marvelous site, I thought I’d give you folks a comparative upon which to chew-my beloved Sagebrushland, aka, Midwest, Wyoming, USA.

I live in the middle of nowhere, moos to the left, antelope to the right, and pumpjacks hither and yon.
While the pumpjacks are of almost no danger (unless one blows), the moos have a tendency to set up “toll gates” in the road, along side the road, and have been known to hold their ground against even the largest and speediest of rigs!

The “girls” will invariably do their utmoooost to stare you down, not deigning to give way until they are well satisfied that the delay in travelling time they’ve caused you is sufficient to make their day.

Mind you, striking an 800 pound beef (moo) on the hoof at 30-50 miles an hour on a dirt road is not something I recommend: it has a tendency to do both you and your rig great harm, and it doesn’t do the moo any good either I must say.

The antelope are also to be watched, keeping an ever vigilant eye out for their brown and white sides flashing to and fro from a sanguine walk to a full blown 60 mile per hour blazing run-and at such high speeds, are they wont to run into your rig, in front of your rig, and if you’re driving a small rig-low to the ground, the occaisional beastie has been known to crash through ye olde winshield.

Once again it must be noted, that if such takes place, it shan’t do you any good, neither your rig, and as noted earlier for the moo, the antelope won’t be too pleased either (at least for the two or three seconds it lives after the collision).

Loiterers are far and few between for us around here, the kids (pre-teeny boppers, teeny boppers, and newly post-teeny boppers) are mostly ok, because if they are not, we find a moo to put them in a better frame of mind and a new attitude:
Tying one of them down (those needing an attitude adjustment) and letting the moos, lopies, and the several mulies in the nearby ravines, trample over them, is a splendid form of education-remember, knowledge is power.

So…….I hope this gives you all a pleasant introduction to life in the high prarie desert, just a stone’s throw from the Rocky Mountains.

Take care all.