Assignment = Student, Duration = 4 year stretch in the Boro. Upon viewing our new residence for the next 4 years, (at uni) my girlfriend at the time exclaimed, ‘it looks just like Coronation Street’.
Yeah – more like Mad Max Thunderdome Street.
In the 4 years i spent there i generally saw it all. Crack dealer neighbours, teenage junky prostitutes, lots of coppers doing jack-s**t about the ‘diverse’ activities of the next generation of hooligans, used tinfoil/needles/condoms outside my house, but the funniest memory for me was the Shellsuit fraternity – f*****g everywhere.
There is not one place on this earth where you can see a cornucopia, neigh, an unimaginible vista of shellsuit diversity. Every f****r wears them. There are the usual burberry monkey types, (mid-thirties guys riding BMX’s built for 6 year olds) wearing them, & the obligatory ‘pram brigade’ of under 16’s but i have lived in many places and nowhere else has this high a ‘shellsuit ratio’ – even grannies wear them.
The corner of Union St was where i saw most of the action happening, drug runners, prossies, under-agers all up to no good. I never had to watch TV , i just looked out of my window – absolutely hilarious! I’ve seen battles/scrapes, prossies fighting, young team smashing phoneboxes, (i f*****g hate BT as well), but the best one i remember was with loads of cops & the fire brigade attempting to coerce a right ‘englebert’ junkie into handing himself in. (Which was quite hard as he was on the roof of a row of terraced houses and they had to ‘negotiate’ with him via a cherry picker and megaphone).
Doubtless to say, he took a bit of ‘reeling in’ and i’m sure the cops got their pound of flesh when they got him into custody, but like i say, you don’t need a TV licence to stay there.
To be honest – i never got any s**t from the locals in all my time there. YK Chow’s curried specials helped to keep me going, (i was a student remember) and the Western Club was a dream. Never have i had the pleasure of drinking in a men only bar, (the only birds in there were the ones pulling pints), (mens lounge seats around 200) with an endless flow of beer for about 90p a pint. I have never been to a pub anywhere in the UK where you can spend around £15 on a night out – and be absolutely caned and go home with a couple of spam fritters – minted.
I now stay sawrth of lahndahn, and to be honest – we have C***s here, but they are s***e compared to the quality i experienced back up north. The Boro team were much more entertaining than these southern nancies & would eat them for breakfast.
That’s all folks
Thank you and goodnight.