Middlesbrough is the largest town of the postindustrial favela that was Cleveland. The town centre is relatively clean with your usual retailers and the second worst university in England. The bulk of the students are obnoxious southerners who couldn’t cut it at a proper seat of learning. Once you venture further from the nucleus of the centre, thieves, vagrants, drug dealers, ******, ****’s and the ubiquitous teenage single mothers ooze from street corners like the undead in a Romero film. The standard of the retail outlets drops like a stone, charity, pound shops and amusement arcades are abound. The ****’s round here have this ability to repulse and amaze in equal measure. Lambert smoking, cheap white cider drinking and gawping at **** cars with alloy wheels and bits of painted plastic tacked onto them are all pastimes of this new genus of ********. As with other towns in Teesside cheap drink is aplenty and the adult population frequent the numerous bars with alarming regularity. “The Boro” or to those of you whose first language is english Middlesbrough football club is all these people talk about . Non stop rabid comments about how **** every other football team on this planet is in comparison to their their beloved home team is a constant annoyance yet highly amusing nontheless.
Moving a little further afield the suburbs are no better. Dormanstown, Easterside and Eston are preeminent in the field of shitness. If you are desirous of purchasing a cheap house Middlesbrough has two out of ten of the cheapest house prices by postcode in England (Aug ’04) (Visiting said areas is reccomended with armed close protection and medevac standby)
The USAF should do the UK and the rest of the world a big favour and drop a substrategic nuclear device on the entire town.
I for one would raise a glass to that one.
