When i first arrived in middlesbrough, i was excited that i was moving away from home to uni, my thoughts quickly changed. Immediately as i stepped off the train i was greeted by hundreds of c***s in the station, dressed in their ‘c**v uniforms’,(just be glad we can identify them!) making their little spit patterns on the floor, and generally tryin to intimidate anyone who dared walk past them.straight away the lunged at me like vultures, obviously seeing i was new student blood and asked ‘can i borra a fag n cani borra 10p for the bus to darlo’. stupidly feeling tired i retaliated with ‘well if your borrowing a cigarette when will you give it me back?’this seemed to confuse their under developed minds for a while before the abuse started. then to annoy them some more i lit my cigarette and told them ‘sorry i dont smoke anyway’.This worked wonders,as i made my escape,whilst they stood trying to figure out what i had said.Then the weekend came, by this time i had realised there were very few normal people in boro, we braced the pubs, i wa thinking itcant be that bad i was wrong, very wrong.i felt like i was featuring in pirates of the carribean, it was all very scary, it was like they could all smell that you were new to the town,so they followed behind us all night scavenging.
i soon discovered they all lived down my road also, as well as hoboes and crack heads,and every morning i was woken with screams,police, and this is true!!the armed police twice at the bottom of the road, not to mention vommiting noises and fights.
we soon decided to stay to the safeheavens of the student bars and didnt dare venture into the town at night, however the ‘c***s’ still managed to find you somehow.
NEVER go into primark on a saturday, i once went for some cheap underwear and have been scaved ever since, it is the cavettes weekly meeting place you see, and if you dare get in their way as they are runing for the tackiest most revealing disgusting top,you will be killed, by their sheer weight as they throw themselves in the isles!!
as an experiment one day, i went into the town in my tacksuits after going to the gym, it was like a different world, where all the normal peopele moved out of my way scared, and all the c***s left me alone, possibly a sign of ‘c**v respect?’. i was also interested to find in middlesbrough that when chavettes get to a certain age usually 30 they swap their tracksuits for tight camel towing hipsters and a mid-rift bearing top.the way they discipline their children is by not allowing them their staple diet of mcdonalds for one day, i heard this and the child continued to be naughty, an obvious sign that the child was actually glad it didnt have to eat mcdonalds, i did feel a pang of sympathy, i have to admit!!there is also no age limit to c***s in boro, usually in other areas the c***s tend to disintergrate after the age of 20ish but you even see grandma c***s in boro with their huge rag dolls on show!the problem with boro is that it accomodates for them, there are very few decent shops to go in and the nasty cheap shops just encourage them to flock to the town center even more.
i feel sorry for anyone stuck in this place having to brave it all out, i even have felt sorry for the pigeons, who they seem to enjoy torturing, but if they ever stopped to think they would realise that pigeons are the same as them, hanging around town in flocks, flying at people, scavenging off people and eating scaps of food off the floor, carrying all kinds of disease and multiplyting by the hundred!!