North EastYorkshire

Mexborough would be quite nice if not for the roaming hoards of **** Huns wandering the High Street, where the market stalls hold court to the Fake-Burberried *******. The younger element gather here, where the ***** appear to think that being able to ride in a small circle on t’ BMX will impress the *********. Wrong: their single-celled mentality has not grasped the fact that Kylie and Nisacha are pining for a go in a Vauxhall Ashtray, or Nova, with alloys, spoiler, blue lights and boom box thumping out mindless ***** at 5000Db. The elite of the genre: Mexborough Boy Racers (Life expectancy for passengers 20 minutes), race their ‘motors’, down the new road, round the South roundabout, up to Swinton for the obligatory handbraker, then back again. The route abounds with flowers tied to lampost to mark the ungrieved passing of the fuckwits. When not racing up and down to Swinton, they race round and roundT’multistory carpark at the speed of *****.

It is a cause celebre among Mexchavs that ‘WHYTHEFUCKANT WIGORRAMACD’SINTFUCKINPLACE?’ T’Mexchavs have to go to Medderall for their grease/JJB’s etc, although there is a pound shop and a Greggs for shopping. BottomerAddikrooerd (the Bottom of Adwick Road) is popular with slagettes waiting to be shagged stood up on t’Ather fiels (on the Athletic field). Conveniently the favoured bench is smack (apt) outside the police station. Generally speaking the only time the boys in blue are seen is when they roar out with all lights flashing and tear down Doncaster Road at 120mph because tea is up in Conisbrough nick.

Clayton Park, once a lovely little area with pergolas and flowers has been reduced to rubble as has Castle Hills Park and all other decent areas of Mexborough. They are littered with empty Kestrel tins and syringes.

How grim is your Postcode?

The local **** population has been boosted lately as Mexborough has elected a Lib Dem councillor: consequently, in revenge Doncaster Council has dumped all its unwanted ***** in the flats about the town. They throng in the Post Office, which reeks of sweat and piss on Giro day. T’Giro is a way of life for third and fourth generation *****, with their ******, vacant stares and their snot-dripping, trakky clad brats. Names such as : Nisacha; and Katara sing out among the Brooklyns and the Romeos (thank you Beckham’s, King and Queen of Chavvery).

Average age of droppin’ a brat is 14, average number of sexual partners till 14 is 25, average IQ is 12, average number of piercings 12, average number of tattoos 8, average level of hygiene… no I can’t bear to think about it. Average age before gerrinshaggedbymidad/stepdad 11.

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