Whilst most of Merry Hill is relatively ****-free some areas have more **** than a Trisha audience. Most notibly, the area from Asda to Mcdonalds seems to attract them in large numbers. The absence of an Argos in this area leads me to believe it is the quality Asda home-brand food product or wholesome Big Mac meals that attract them. The close proximity to the bus station and Halfords probably also has a ****-luring effect.
It is at night, however, that the Merry Hill area becomes **** heaven. Most of the country’s remaining Ford Orion’s congregate around the cinema and KFC, complete with clear plastic indicator covers, red brake callipers and an exhaust the size of a washing machine drum (pre-drilled of course for that authentic Formula 1 sound). Optional extras include a rear window ‘Kenwood’ sticker and a blonde air-head passenger seat cover. Road barriers fail in their attempt to restrict the nocturnal movement of these **** racers and some parts of the road surface now contain more rubber than Jordans’ dildo thanks to the frequent **** burn outs.
Thankfully the Big Brother season is upon us so Merry Hell is a low-**** zone as they sit in their trailers and text messages of support for Michelle. Sadly it will soon be all over and the polyester shell suits will return. You have been warned!!!