Medway – Breaking News

KentSouth East

Strictly speaking, not a town, but a raggle-taggle group of towns that are the heart of Chavdom. Local papers have this week reported that the Medway towns are suffering from their worst *********** of ***** for many years. They put it down to recent warmer winters leading to heightened ********** amongst the **** community. Apparently, the local council is receiving at least 100 calls a day asking them to rid us of these antisocial pests. These ***** can be recognised by their colourful, even gaudy, dress sense (or not) which favours the blacks and golden browns of the Burberry range. They are known to frequent parks and pubs, and even hang around outside the infinite amount of fast-food restaurants scavenging from the bins. (Can’t mention Maccy Ds or KFC, might be libellous). They can often be found trying to get into cans of lager, and of course WKD blue. This behaviour only makes their demeanour more problematical, as everybody knows that a **** which has been rendered even slightly incapable is more menacing. They are known to randomly attack passers-by and punters at the previously mentioned establishments and elsewhere – showing your dislike of them only makes them more aggressive and can lead to injury. Basically, the Medway **** is a filthy, useless piece of ****** and, if there is a God, he should be interrogated about why he put these malignant creatures on this Earth.

My advice to the sensible community that forms Chavtowns would be to avoid the Medway Towns at all costs until, and if ever, this serious problem can be resolved. This has been a Public Service Announcement on behalf of Monkey and Chavtowns.

P.S. I just read the article again. I thought it said “*****” when in fact it says “wasps”. How could I possibly have done that?

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