Margate: The **** St Tropez

KentSouth East

What could it be about Margate that makes it so charming?

It could be the aggressive **** locals:- if **** stood for ‘Council Housed and Violent’ then Margate is the favourite destination for the ****.

Walking home after 9pm on most nights is a bit dangerous, particularly if you meet the eyes of someone in a group of *****, many of whom will be assembled round a car which is revving its engine for no apparent purpose.  You will be alright if there is only one or two of them, but if there are any more then you have just started a fight.  It’s also pretty hard to avoid eye contact with *****, since they are everywhere in Margate.  It’s even worse in the summer, when ***** from the South-East descend on Margate for a holiday.

Margate ***** hate any outside influence, which is a bit limiting for a town dependent on the tourism industry.  Whether you are a foreign student, a visitor from beyond the Medway or just plain different, this is provocation for a fight.  Having a good time out in a club is frowned upon unless you are there to get in a fight at some stage, then get a teenager pregnant, then get in a fight again (usually with her boyfriend).

They hate education.  This was evidenced by the arson which destroyed the **** finishing school called Holy Cross (they didn’t bother rebuilding) and the arson attack on Ramsgate library.  There were frequent clashes between the grammar schools and the **** schools (called non-selective schools in Kent) which in my time included an armed raid by a load of kids from Conyngham school on a much smaller number of people playing a game of cricket.  Margate ***** are stupid and proud of it, they are going nowhere, and they are happy to be the dominant species on the dung heap.

No business ever just closes in Margate, it has to then burn down afterwards so that the owner can collect the insurance.  It’s the only exit strategy for businesses when no sane person wants to buy them.  Even the aquarium in Cliftonville burned down and correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t that a building mostly full of water?

Sadly, being a **** has really taken off in Margate, and everybody with the means is getting as far away from it as they can.  That just leaves a growing proportion of ***** and frightened retirees populating the town.  The gene pool is shrinking and the fact that ‘Planet Thanet’ is surrounded by water on three sides is the perfect excuse to get your mate’s sister pregnant while he does yours.

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