Margate has its charms, but it’s also…

Living in Margate, Kent

Margate has its charms (beautiful weather and a nice beach), but it’s also **** Central. Margate **** haunts include McDonald’s, KFC and Yates’ Wine Lodge, which is the preferred watering hole to get pissed in before moving on to one of the local clubs.

Sheldons at the top of Margate high street is also another haunt, as is the Bull’s Head (the latter is favoured by an older clientele though. The Bull’s Head also boasts a parrot, whose IQ is considerably higher than some of the customers’.). During the summer (especially bank holidays), local ***** mingle with their south east London counterparts on the sea front, especially in the amusement arcades: walk past these and experience the unnerving sight of 1001 stuffed Garfields leering out at you from glass cabinets – as if being stared at by ***** weren’t enough. Local ***** dress in usual **** fashion, with logo-heavy clothes from the catalogue (pronounced “ca – a – log”), supplemented by el cheapo gear from Primark on Margate high street.

My own road is Margate life in microcosm. Nice post-Regency houses – most of them well looked after and inhabited by normal people, but a few of them with scaffolding and/or broken windows and containing ***** and ******, whose multitudinous children (average age 7 or thereabouts) kick footballs into everyone’s gardens or hurtle up and down the street on their bicycles, yelling endearments to each other such as “You ******* **** ‘ead, you’re a right ****, you are!”. Early one evening I had to go to the corner shop. As I went past one of the ***** houses, the mother (greasy hair, trakkie bottoms, *** dangling from one corner of her mouth) opened the door and shouted to her little girls playing in the street outside: “get inside right NOW, you little *****!!!!”

How grim is your Postcode?

Depressingly, you just *know* those girls are going to turn into their mum eventually, at the point when they first realise they’re pregnant (usually at about the age of 15 or so). Speaking of **** girls, there must be an unofficial competition going on amongst Margate’s female **** population, to see who can fit the most number of gold hoop earrings in each ear. Why do they think that earring overkill is stylish? Why??

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