Maldon, Essex

Maldon, on the Blackwater estuary, a once nice town with elderly residents, now a premier hole. The centre of both of the ***** lives is The Plume (which any decent person doesn’t go to and if they have to go to a comprehensive and want a decent education go to Sandon), where they learn how to live lives as ‘elderly’ ***** (of 18), with there own free house, benefits and 2 children all helped along by the childcare courses, catering for the **** community.

As soon as they leave the plume they move 500 metres down the road to the council flats, where the car parks behind constantly look like a riot has taken place.

There Friday nights involving ******* around at Morrison’s in large groups, scaring people going round for late night shopping, spitting on the pavement and being generally unpleasant.

How grim is your Postcode?

They also hang around the footpath leading from Morrison’s across town, as well as hang around in several playgrounds and the prom, destroying the facilities for other people. They offer one job offer in the whole of the town at McDonalds, located conveniently near a canal so after getting pissed on chocolate milkshakes they can fall in and look like complete and total ****.

On Saturday mornings, cross road, as well as many other roads bare marks of the previous night including puke, broken bottles and street lights all making havoc for the paper boy, the following morning.

Luckily for most Maldon resident most ne’er-do-wells are moved from the small group of council flats to Heybridge, a subsidiary of Maldon. So unless you unfortunately have to it is not worth moving to Maldon and defiantly not Heybridge.

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