Malden Manor, Surrey

South EastSurrey

Old Malden and Worcester Park are both perfectly pleasant places to live, yet nearby Malden Manor is a cold sore on the genitals of civilisation.

Despite providing a useful railway staion, “the Manor” is best known for the hideous flats and equally hideous inmates (sorry, residents) of the housing project on Sheephouse Way.

Surly and monosyllabic, the **** youths selfishly pick the Co-op at Old Malden (nearer to my house than their barracks-like *********, the little *******!) to hang out on a Friday. It’s all there: hoodies, shell-pants, ten gallons of cheap aftershave (boys), piercing voices and more effort spent on picking g-strings than denims (girls).

How grim is your Postcode?

The ******* Tory newsletter that comes through my door even has sympathy for the ****! That’s when you know that old principles have gone down the pan: I have no time for the Tories but at least when they stuck to their guns they wouldn’t have even pretended to like these ****** wastes of air and water that surely must be the first batch in an experiment for human culling. But no – the local Toryboys actually have sympathy and want to help, so they say. I can only hope that it’s just empty vote-winning promises.

As a former resident of Wimbledon, I never thought I’d look fondly at Phipps Bridge (the nearby equivalent). But at least that had a bit of history…..

Top 50 worst places to live in England 2021
Top 50 worst places to live in England 2021