There was once a time where it was possible to escape chavs by leaving urban areas. However, now this is not the case, as even the tiniest villages have seen the desperate need for degeneration. Welcome to Little Common, as the name suggests, quite a sleepy retirement village. If the elderly all move to Bexhill, it’s only so that they’re a short drive away from their parents here. But, on closer inspection, this place has a grand total of about 15 chavs, ages ranging from 8 to 16. Yes, the population is this small, but that doesn’t dishearten the village’s aspirations of grandeur.
There are places where these chavs have clearly marked their territories with scrawlings of “Little Common Massive” and “LCC” (Little Common Crew), and have even decided in places to divide theirselves into West Side and East Side. Already I can see the upcoming gang warfare that will be needed to decide what tough urban lifestyle leads to harder and more streetwise (correction-avenuewise) chavs. Is it the gruelling existence of a 3 bedroom Semi-Detached ghetto, being forced to live on your dad’s income as a doctor, or is it the brutal reality of having to be tucked up in bed every night at your expansively gardened bungalow?
What makes life even harder for these chavs is that because there are such a pitiful amount of teenagers in the village, all the shopkeepers know them and avoid serving them at the 2 places that sell alcohol, barring the pub, The Wheatsheaf, that one of their mums works at. Then again, in true chav fashion, occasionally one of the girls gets given a bottle of Lambrini (a whole 5% alcohol, like a giant bacardi breezer!) and they get to pass that around between a group of 10 or so. And possibly, to prove what heavyweights they are, they’ll drink their share through a straw on a roundabout.
Why won’t chavs just realise what they are, instead of trying to leech off of a culture that is dull and pointless anyway? If you are one of the infamous/unfamous Little Common chavs reading this, remember: You are middle class. You were brought up with a well-spoken, English accent. You live in a once pleasant and peaceful retirement village. You are not a gangster.