Keighley – the home of the genetically challenged

North EastYorkshire

Keighley ‘The GateWay to Borstal’ is situated about 10 miles north of Bradford in West Yorkshire. With its beautiful 60’s landmark shopping centre and dire atmosphere of oppression and violence, who can fail to be charmed by the carefree dancing of chip-bags being tossed around the bus station on fetid breaths of biscuits, dogs and Lambert and Butler escaping from the surrounding thriving businesses. Here you can spend your time exchanging your unwanted charm bracelets, dancing clowns, St Christophers, T-Bars, Sovereigns and Creoles in one of the many Cash Converter shops. Then, simply pop next door and spend your newly released funding on having your babies ears pierced, having a fun tattoo – maybe another tear? If tradition is your thing, then why not rob a home perm and get prepared for a night on the tiles! Remember girls – its essential to wear every scrunchie and piece of gold you own! competition is important in Keighley, and with the myriad of beauties on offer, you have to look your best. Why not check out ‘Sports’ on North St, or perhaps ‘Champers Nite Scene’?
Its extremely important to be able to communicate with the natives, dont worry if you dont quite grasp it at first, a punch in the face is just a friendly Keighley way of saying, ‘Excuse me, could I just get past?’. Often outsiders get confused by use of ‘Keefli tork’, its simply a combination of grunts, and most locals tend to rely on their physical presence to communicate abstract ideas and to exchange their thoughts.
Gold is particularly important in keighley, and at a push you can get by in an emergency by putting the foil from a packet of rolos on your teeth, this will fool them into thinking that you are ‘ard’ and they will avoid you (or, in rare occasions try and steal your head)
If burberry is your bag, Keighley is for you! It really is the capital town, there are currently exciting plans afoot to offer its’ population a plethera of bold new designs for DSS book covers, beige and maroon check, kappa, union jack and Jordan!
Enjoy your visit!

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