North EastYorkshire

Ilkley is a town that is full of want-to-be *****. They all speak like they think they own the place and are royalty but add a few ‘ya mums’ and ‘innits’ here and there. They are all in their trackie bottoms, gold creoles and gold sovereigns; yes you’re so very hard guys!

In Ilkley, on a Friday/Saturday night, it is so cool to hang around the train station smoking abit of the good old weed, either here, the monkey rack or at the skate park. Then the slightly older ***** and ********* (12-15 year olds) decided they want to go ‘cruising’ to the nearest **** pub, The Rose and Crown. After a few rounds of the good old Carling (cheapest lager in there) they will go along to The Trav (a horrible ‘night-club’ as such) in the centre of Ilkley.

Another ‘chavved up’ time in Ilkley is week day lunch times, this is when schools lunch breaks are, the higher years of Ilkley grammar school are allowed down town to reek havoc during lunch hour, in this time you can see many events and most of the students are hardly out of the school gates before sparking up and Lambert and Butler or Richmond super king. The next time you see them they are moping around Tescos, faces caked with make-up and gold everywhere, or sat having a *** or spliff at the nearest hide-away. Then they roll back in to school to doss about for a further few hours, coughing and spluttering, applying make-up and chatting about who their most recent ‘shagging-partner’ is. WHO CARES!

As for the drugs situation. Well Keighley has an extremely bad reputation for drugs but one thing that is a fact, there are more drug related crimes in Ilkley and surrounding areas than in Keighley, want to know why that is?? Because they can afford it, they got the cash so they flaunt it. Well who cares, if they want to go stuffing some white powder up their noses, almost definitely talcum-powder, or taking little pills then let them do it, it’s their lives, but they have to realise that society isn’t going to be here for them forever. Sooner or later the good old ***** will have to start actually going to work and earning money for their drug fetishes because benefits aren’t going to be here forever.

How grim is your Postcode?

Now you would have thought people with all this spare doe could afford a decent car but, oh no, they have to good for the ***** favourite black novas and Subaru’s, they then sup it up (generally pronounced soupitup) using brand new 2nd hand trims (yeh right) and bold alloys. Why not just get a decent car in the first place.
A favourite past time of the Ilkley groupies is to go and wreck the skate park, gratifying is a fine art in Ilkley, especially when all it says is ‘For decent head call 0798….. etc, usually the number of an arch rival ****/******** of artist’ All we can say is, LEAVE KEIGHLEY ALONE YOU **** BAGS, OR AT LEAST LOOK AT YOURSELF BEFORE YOU START SLAGGING OFF OTHER PEOPLES WAY OF LIFES.


Keeflie Lasses


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