HMP Hull ***** in Prison

North EastYorkshire

A relative of mine has worked in Prisons over the country but he reckons those local to Hull are the most ****** in the UK.

I used to live in Hull (I got a job so I had to leave) and believe me they really are taking over the world. To a **** from ‘ull, Prison is like club 18-30 for us taxpayers. They are a bag of ******* sh*te and just love jail.

You see, get in jail and you are promoted up the **** ladder, you become ‘ard and a cool bruvver.

Hull is awash with heroin. Apart from being 3 times more likely of being a victim of crime if you ever dare to enter the tosshole (50%-200% more likely to be seriously injured – note to *****, if you can understand the long words check out the Home Office crime stats for 2003) the town boasts the fattest people and the highest number of teenage pregancies in Europe if not the world. I say “teenage” loosely cause the high figures are for 11-16 years old. Yeah, the youngest in Hull was 9 – fact. Hull girls also abort the most after one of their drug induced shagging sessions.

I am writing a website www.thisisreallyhull.co.uk and I have some fine pictures to show you all. Some taken by me but many submitted by decent folk whose lives have been made miserable by these parasitic ****. It’s costing me a lot of dosh but I don’t care. It’s worth everypenny.

So back to ***** in Prison. Well, as soon as they arrive they group togever bruvver, they swap tales of how many poor old ladies handbags they snatched so they could large it up around town and score some gear fella! Hull ***** are riddled with Hep B&C and don’t care cause Mr & Mrs taxpayer get to pay for their very expensive Interferon injections (which you and I would have to join a waiting list for). Not even Prison Officers can get Hepatitis vaccinations (***** get them for free on the taxpayer).

Visits day is the best – the **** girls pop up with their Kappa tracksuit, hair scraped up high and arms full of needle marks. Dragging along Kylie Jane or Keanu Mark who hasn’t a clue who his dad is as he only saw him when **** dad came home steaming and battered **** mam. Domestic violence is ok in Hull – it’s just classed as “having a bad temper but he looks after her…”.

It is compulsory if carrying an infant to stash some heroin in the nappy – it’s true – it’s happened. If you have been caught and got let off as often happens then **** girl will stick some in her gob ready to snog **** con and pass him the gear.

**** cons have a special language. It’s adapted from **** bransholme, a strange dialect spoken only in Hulls largest council estate. No seriously, anyone in Hull knows that Bransholmers speak with a different accent to Hull folk.

To learn the language is hard. Start by sticking out your chin if you are a **** girl and adding a “ugh” sound on the end of anything ending with a G. For example “God”, would become “Godugh” – as in “honest to Godugh”.

**** cons hate anyone else not from Hull but will happily shag any of their mates **** girls or stab them up for a bag of gear.

These **** are taking over the world. Big up to the authors of this site. I’ve sent a nice **** picture to amuse you.


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