East AngliaHerefordshire

Hitchin. A charming little market town nestled between chavtastic Stevenage and the rather interestingly named London Luton International.

Now this is going to be a shock to regulars as Hitchin is slighly different to your usual chavnests, yes; it´s slightly better. All residents possess proof of superior breeding and like to engage in discussions about how ****** Stevenage, Luton, Letchworth, Biggleswade or any other “lower” places are.

As you gather, Hitchin is a bastion of home counties life with not a **** or ******** in sight on site (my, a person from a “lower” town nearby can spell).

So how can it be that Hitchin is now getting entered on ChavTowns? Well, quite simply because there are plenty of ***** resident in Hitchin, or “iitchin” as they say. How do I know? well, because many travel by train to Stevenage Leisure Park on Fridays and Saturdays to congregate with all the Stevenage *****. The more economically successful Hitchin *****; these are ***** rather than **** nots, travel by car to Luton at the weekend for their entertainment.

This would suggest that Hitchin is free of ***** in the evening, alas, it just isn´t true… some of the elite less adventurous ***** stay in Hitchin as they are aware that Hitchin is better than anywhere around it. Better to have a fight, better to get mugged, better to score drugs, better to nick cars, better to just feel superior.

If you would like to visit a place where most ***** are in a state of denial then Hitchin is a safe bet for ´striking gold´. There are still places in Britain that have yet to realise that ***** are here to stay (sadly). Instead of own up to having dodgier ghettos than many surrounding towns Hitchinites point the finger at Stevenage and Luton whilst using the superior public services available in those same places on the quiet.

Residents of Hitchin, do not think you are exempt from the onslaught of *****, you may export your finer specimens for a few hours at the weekend, if you don´t believe me go to the station after midnight and look who´s getting off in Hitchin… yes, native *****.

Finally it is worth mentioning that Hitchin has two excellent schools turning out respectable citizens who will keep Hitchin better than anywhere else on the face of god´s earth. Forever. Trouble is that these fine youngsters indulge in behaviour that even Desmond Morris would comment upon as “gracious, clear ****, the clothing, the language, body language and posturing, quite extraordinary”

So dear friends I conclude, a **** is still a ****, even if they are unaware of belonging to this prestigious group. Don´t anyone think they live somewhere that is **** free – even the royal family has a pet ****.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020