Hemel Hempstead- New and impreoved

East AngliaHerefordshire

Well, since my last piece on here Hemel Hempstead has actually gotten even worse!!!

This morning I was skimming through the local paper (The newly named Hemel Hempstead Gazzette no less) What was I greeted with on a full page spread…. a story about a campaign aptley named “Happy in Hemel”. If this sounds bad enough then read on.

From reading the article in between fits of laughter I was able to find some startling facts;

How grim is your Postcode?

>People should be happy as the town centre has 70% employment (30% unemployment and we should be happy???)

>There are 2% more women than guys (clearly going for quantity rather than quality as the average Hemel girl is a teenage mum complete with pull-back ponytail, as much cheap gold as a dodgy market dealer and a kid named Chardonnay or another lovely ****-esque name)

>The number of green spaces, kiddies playgrounds and other lovely places is high (about 50 or so, all home to at least some remainder of **** influence, condoms, needles, *** packets, white lightening etc etc)

>Leisure World is a reason to be happy as it provides “family entertainment” (If this is family entertainment then the holocaust must have been a variety show)

>Hemel has been officially voted 42nd worst place to live in the UK (quite why we weren’t higher i do not know! On the plus side we have risen 8 places in a single year!)

I can only assume that this article was a joke or written by somebody that has never actually been to Hemel. The spearhead for this campaign is a 30 year old mother (with kids as if you had to ask), who looks like Jabba the Hutt’s long lost sister. Another remarkable feature of many a Hemel female. She seemed to have the deranged idea that Grove hill- (a notorious **** hotspot and the training ground for the “G-unit squad”. I **** you not- they really do exist and think they are the bee’s knee’s!!) is some kind of Mecca where the kids all want to learn, there are many open spaces and play parks for kids and in fact i believe she thinks the streets are made of gold (possibly from all the cheap tat that is left around)

The page also featured an article written by a professor at Hertfordshire University telling the good people of Hemel that they should get behind this campaign. The shocking revelations he used to tempt us was that being happy made people feel good and do things better. Now who says university standards are going down???

Perhaps the most ironic part of this article is that the rest of the paper is dominated by stories of Hemel being an absolute dump, business’ moving out, theft, vandalism and the general loss of standards in everything (understandably the paper chose to blame the local MP ahead of the **** population).

I am not asking too much from the local press am I? All I want is for them to realise that the problems are caused by the **** population who litter parks with used condoms, empty bottles of “white lightening” (constantly at least 50% extra free) and terrorise the general population. Please please please can someone bomb this dump! Maybe Hitler had the right idea with the Luftwaffe.

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