East SussexSouth East

Hastings has got to be the most infested town in the South East.
Let me take you on a guided tour, we’ll start from the train station:

=Hastings station has recently been rebuilt from a shabby, run down, crap hole of a building. Into a super ‘high tech’ glass structure. Not certain why the building needs to be so huge, possibly to prevent c**v pile up as this is a popular haunt for c***s. Alighting from the train one can see several groups of c***s littering the platform. They’re not travelling anywhere, they can’t afford to pay, and if they ventured forth from Hastings town centre they might find a real world beyond their c**v lives.

=Upon exiting the train station and travelling down the Station approach one can encounter a few chavettes making their way to the shopping centre to steal a few items. On passing them one can also expect a few passing comments of ‘Goff’ or ‘loser’ This, of course, is no insult.

=Once the end of the road one comes to a cross road, this is a popular point for so called ‘Drag racing’ where c***s risk their lives by speeding through the red lights and almost crashing their ‘Hot Ride’ But let us take a moment to think, if they did crash, would it be a great loss?

=Opposite one can observe a closed down building, this was once the best pub in town but was shut down due to c**v induced fighting. (i.e. One man against thirty C***s)

=As one approaches the shopping centre, one can see an example of how infested Hastings is, the shopping centre is partially open air and the middle is lined with beches to rest upon. These are over run with C***s. A group of forty or so can be seensharing one can of stolen cider, and one packet of ten cigarettes. (Yeah mate, cider is bangin’) These comments can always be heard.

=Moving on from the Shopping centre. One arrives at a C***s favourite place. McDonalds. As you well know, C***s can be watched, eating, drinking, hanging around and sometimes, the more evolved C***s can even bee see WORKING in McDonalds. Shock Horror!!!! The money they earn will evidently be spent on Cider and Fags.

=Moving on towards the Old Town along the sea front, a stream of Arcades can be seen. C***s spend long hours in these areas. Drawn in by the pretty flashing lights and wonderful music. C***s can be seen playing on the nudge machines, feeding it with up to fifteen pounds then thinking it an achievement when they win three pounds. Chavettes are also here, favouring the ‘Dance Machines’ a perfectly good piece of Japanese gaming, destroyed by c******e feet. The Chavettes are also very good at this game because they spend most of their waking hours playing on it.

=If one returns back to the town centre and crosses the ‘Sacred road’ one becomes aware of the obvious partition between normal people and C***s. On one side we have a sea of burberry baseball caps. On the other side a sea of colour and not a speck of Burberry in sight.

=On this side of the road there is a night club (The Crypt) which has never heard or seen the likes of an R’n’B CD or and kind of ‘Garage’ Music. Only live bands such as Rooster and The Heaters ever come to this establishment, Eletric Six has even played here.

=On one such night a group of C***s approached The Crypt and demanded entrance. The Bouncers, knowing that they would soil themselves the second the saw the inside of the club, they willingly obliged to give them admittance. Once the C***s had entered the club and seen the kind of people inside, they surely did soil themseleves. There were too many ‘Goffs’ To count. They were then seen sitting in the darkest corner, waiting for a moment to escape.

=In conclusion, the entire range of c***s can be found here. Fat C***s, Lanky C***s, Chavettes and even Mini-C***s can be found. It is the best exhibition of C**v S**m i have found to date.

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019