Well, what can I say first of all other than I am shocked Grimsby is not already mentioned (apart from it’s link with Sunny old Scunny). This town is the laughing stock of the whole Lincolnshire/Humberside area, if not the country.
Yes, it’s been slated in terms of the football media for the diobolical Grimsby Town FC, where such legends as Steve Bruce have often referred to the town as the ultimate low point of their lives, when comparing to league successes.
e.g. “To think we’re flying high in the Premiership now when we were playing at Blundell Park on a dreary Monday night is unthinkable…”
Alas, the poor performance of such a football team does not warn away gatherings of chavs in their masses, with a rockport-style nike kit of black and white stripes being the ultimate compliment to their ‘Blueberry’ (counterfeit) caps and Reebok Classics. And one of four (if not more) Macdonalds in the town situated directly opposite the stadium.
It’s the hometown of one of the Country’s biggest hate figures in Maxine Carr, not to mention her Mother, who undoubtedly defines the term MIHT (Mum I’d hate to f**k) – or just the elder class of chav altogether.
After a hard day of spawning criminals and terrorising normal people in the town center all week, there’s nothing better chavs like to do then relax over a few (understatement) bevvys on a Friday night. Oh, the choices! Never has one town seen so many hang-outs for the antisocial scum of the earth!
Let’s see, there’s the ever popular Riverhead establishment. A Yates’s situated on the corner for ultimate chav accessibility (we can’t send them too far away from the town center for fear of endangering themselves near the main road now can we?) – that place might as well be sponsored by Burberry and Rockport. Next to that we have Lloyd’s Wetherspoons, which is admittedly never completely awash with with chavs, for they may be considered ‘cool’ to be hanging with the students and trendies (imagine the thought!). Then there’s a Walkabout, Fused and the elder-chavs favourite, Chicago Rock Cafe. No entry without a flickknife and upturned collars, sorry.
Of course, I’ve clearly not mentioned the unique stylings of the typical Grimsby chav. There’s your basic elements of the strange language (I can’t understand it myself so I won’t get into that), the clothes and the distinct attitude problems. However, Grimsby chavs have a particular aura of rotting fish. How odd. But of course they mostly work in the town’s main trade factories which are situated near the docks. £4.50 an hour at 16? Yes please! No education for me, thanks…that went out the window a long time ago. So you see it’s not just Gemma-Lou-Marie’s mighty strong pins unravelling at the site of a hefty skinhead coming her way that is letting off a nasty pong.
There is a fair amount of expendature going to waste around the town to accomodate for this scum, however. The Macdonalds in the town center has recently been refurbished to make way for more dining areas! How wasteful. Everyone knows chavs don’t need to sit down to eat at a table. Stick a few bus stop seats in there, that’s what I say. Guaranteed income booster.
Anway, that’s all for now, I better go as I don’t want to infuriate myself before going out to celebrate my A Level results. Hmm, I guess that means there won’t be many chavs out tonight. Result!