All this talk of Golborne in Wigan is making me feel ill…

You’ve read the articles on the towns in the Wigan area, Leigh, Lowton, Hindley, etc. Now it’s time to hear about the one, the only… Golborne. And yes, I live there. Where to start? Well, Golborne is a small town on the outskirts of Wigan (though for some ****** up reason has a Warrington poscode – ew, Warrington). And, you guessed it, Golborne is full of *****. Now, Golborne isn’t very big, maybe a square mile of so, but from the number of ***** I see ******* around on a Friday night, you’d think there’s enough of them to populate a whole city.

The main **** hangouts of Golborne are ‘the town centre square’ and the local Asda supermarket. Now, these two locations are on opposite sides of the town, so basically you’re likely to run into a ‘crew’ of ***** anywhere in Golborne. Guess what they wear? That’s right – tracksuits. Who in the blue hell told them tracksuits look good? They were lying. And girls, there’s foundation and then there’s looking like you’ve been tango’d. Wash your faces. And if you insist on wearing huge tacky jewellery, at least make it authentic, oui? Ah, and let’s not forget the ever-so-fashionable tucking our ‘trackies’ into socks. Each to their own and all that jazz, but your ‘fashion sense’ hurts my eyes.

The ***** of Golborne are more commonly know as ‘scallies’ – which I believe originated from Liverpool (thus, we can blame scousers for the creation of *****), but they’re all the same thing. Now, hating ***** because of their dress sense is surely not a good enough reason to do so. In short; if you couldn’t go out of the house without the risk of being victimised and attacked by a group of tracky-wearing youths, you’d hate ***** too. I hate to be stereotypical, but let’s face it, the majority of them are violent, and when not smoking, drinking or doing drugs, are finding people to ‘****’. ‘Well ‘ard’ – as they say.

Onto the local ‘comp’ – Golborne High School, where most of the ***** of Golborne go (well, when they’re not ‘wagging’ it). What can I say, the exam results prove that ***** aren’t only violent and anti-social, but they’re also ********. Of course, not every **** of Golborne attends ‘Comp’, several of them go to ‘Lowton High School’ in our neighbouring town, but that’s normally ’cause they’ve gotten expelled from Golborne High.

Oh, and how could I forget ‘the bonk’? I won’t go into an explanation of what it is, but take my advice: don’t go there unless you have a deathwish.

Hmm, all this talk of Golborne is making me feel ill…

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