Gipton, Leeds

Surrounded by a mish-mash of similarly scally riddled areas this fine pre-war housing estate in darkest East Leeds is to ***** what Strangeways is to psycopaths. Of all Leeds’ pondlife ******** neighbourhoods, Gipton will always have a special place in my heart owing to one particular memorable encounter with the self-declared ‘Gipton Girls’. ‘Twas just a couple of years ago when I was returning from a barbecue in the strangely ****** bereft suburb of Burley. I arrived back in Leeds train station, slightly the worst for wear and was making my way down towards the gloomy steps that head down to the dark arches just behind Lower Briggate. In the distance I heard a noise that could only be described as a cross between witches cackling and banshees screaching. Then the vomit inducing creatures from whence this hideous noise emanated appeared. A 5 foot, 15 stone fat bint and her 80 year old toothless witch of a mother. Hoping to God the pair of ****** had just rather a bit too much to drink at a fancy dress party and in actual fact were rather nice upstanding citizens, I continued on the same side of the road. Surprise, surprise, no sooner had I drawn level with the ugly corpse and it’s **** of a daughter that the fat **** swung it’s fishy handbag squarely in my clock. Unsurprisingly the air turned blue. I announced calmly that the shellsuited hippo should apologise lest I shove the carrying implement where the sun don’t shine. At this point mother scumbucket who her daughter must have dug up from Pet Cemetry earlier that day lunged at my throat, announcing to all and sundry that they were the ‘Gipton Girls’ and I should jolly well watch my lip. At this point, fearing that a fight with Leeds’ finest graveyard **** could only have only one outcome, i.e me in a jail cell, I **** a hasty retreat. In the unlikely event this ******* pair of bints acquire enough brain cells to learn how to operate a computer and happen to read this, I’m sure you’ll remember this event just as fondly as I do. No doubt you do this quite often, attack people who clearly are not in a position to fight back or indeed who probably wouldn’t be capable of doing so. I only hope you **** **** perform this routine on a similarly ****** individual who tears your face off. There you go, Gipton, ******, **** ******** shitheap of epic proportions and home of the delightful Gipton Girls!

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