My Grandparents unfornately live just outside Gillingham so I am a frequent visitor of this Chav town. Words can do no justice to how bad this place really is, the town centre actually scares me a bit. There are so many chavs that sometimes i feel like the minority just because fake burberry and velour tracksuits are not my cup of tea.
I nearly (I emphasise the nearly) wet myself walking past mcdonalds and just to get the full chav mcdonald experience i went inside and got a napkin. Mummy chav is about 30 and looking bad for it she’s wearing her pink velour tracksuit 2 sizes too small got her essential elizabeth duke gold necklaces and earings on, is eating a greasy big mac while chatting on her new mobile (probably stolen) while Kayleigh (the daughter) is tipping the contents of a happy meal into 2 year old Bethany’s pushchair as the poor thing is crying possibly due to the fact her ears are loaded 3 pairs of argos earings. Her Aunt and Uncle are about 8 years old (Kayleighs step brother and sister of course) are wearing their hoodies and tracksuit bottoms with reebok classics and trying on their new mckenzie caps brought from Allsports.
I saw so much more but you get the general picture!!
The throbbing metropolis of Gillingham, now pronounced “Gill-i-num” was once a proud and well-to-do area where the local menfolk plied their trade and people were nice and friendly…….Until the filthy, inbred, stenching,drossy chav was born. These shitty stains on the undercrackers of society now have the locals in fear for their lives. Never have the tuppeny jewellers or market stall traders done so well as in recent times. The chav can be seen proudly strutting the streets with their ketchup-stained ‘tracky’ top and burberry cap. The alpha male can be spotted from afar with his hooded top and ‘gold’ chains, normally surrounded by a possee of local slappers keen to pass on the chav genes to the next generation. The local haunts are Maccy D’s (for the chav hierarchy) and the phone boxes outside the train station (for the rest of the c***s). The train platform has a convenient gate which can be easily vaulted by the more athletic chav, to allow free day trips to see other chavs in the surrounding towns, or maybe just to smoke on the platform and “look hard, innit???” Chavs are not allowed to pay for travel, and if a ticket inspector dare to approach a member of chavidom, then he would be told that ” I ‘aint got no money, so wotcha gonna do, c**t”, and promptly have his shoes spat on by the wannabe gangster. Local ticket inspectors are now wise to this and know better than to approach any cap-wearing, lowlife filth. The local park is the mating ground for the chav, and spunk-stained clothing aplenty can be found among all the shrubbery. Many a time has a chavette been given “a fuckin’ good portion” in the bushes after a romantic evening strolling through the high street, maybe taking a quick stop in the Launderette for a quick grope if their passions get the better of them. The more generous chav may even treat his good lady chavette to fish and chips from ‘Peters’, but this is only acceptable in the laws of Chavitisation if anal sex is a ‘cert’. Local folklore has it that over ninety percent of chavs were conceived somewhere between the Black Lion Sports Centre and Gillingham Park. Guests are not welcomed into the Chav camp, and have to work long and hard to make their way up the pecking order. The honour of wearing a ridiculous top, especially a Nickelson, has to be earned, and many old ladies have to be frightened and windows smashed before the retard is granted permission from the upper echelons of chavitdom. Of course, tuppeny jewelry is a must, as is the need to constantly use words such as “savage”, “sorted”, “innit”, “c**t” (pronounced caaaaaaant) and “bastard” (pronounced baaaaaarsterd) – the chav is oblivious to the fact that ninety nine percent of their sad race fall into this category, in fact most have no idea who their father actually is! Feel free to visit this once great town, but be warned – if you don’t look like a TOTAL c**t then you won’t fit in !!!!!