Gillingham – Starburger- The Ivy of **** Culture

KentSouth East

I have to admit, I have been in Starburger and associated Chavey Cafe`s a few times, but only on a United Nations Cack Finding Mission.I will now proceed to discuss a few of the quaint English customs, first of which is ordering and seating.It is customary for a lady diner to be accompanied by her chosen gentleman or "benefit beau" and to crash haphazard into the door and shout "ya ****" to the maitre d`, who normally is an older pensioner making their exit after a OAP Special.

It is then customary for two children to be taken to dine, one who should be aprroximately 8 years of age and called "Jordan" and preferably have some form of ADHD and referal to Social Services (which should be seen as a prerequisite for dining) and the other should be a baby which is fed a full sized king burger and cries.The gentleman should then order a full quintensential English Breakfast, whilst the lady must order any meal with chips.The chips must be held in the defiant hand of the babe, whilst a completementary chicken nugget must be sucked on as a substitute dummy.The drinks must be full of E Numbers and the 8 year old must be "high as a kite" swearing and calling his mother by the place name given by the dinner party, which is "ya ******".The communication of the meal, must be aggressive and non respectful to the fellow diners whilst the children must run round the chairs and for bonus markings in the **** Food Guide must knock food or eat a solitary bite of a burger to "to piss off" the cookee` of the banquet.

I will end this Starburger spectacular and ask for any fellow food correspondents to details their food experience.

How grim is your Postcode?

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