Gillingham – Starburger- The Ivy of Chav Culture

KentSouth East

I have to admit, I have been in Starburger and associated Chavey Cafe`s a few times, but only on a United Nations Cack Finding Mission.I will now proceed to discuss a few of the quaint English customs, first of which is ordering and seating.It is customary for a lady diner to be accompanied by her chosen gentleman or "benefit beau" and to crash haphazard into the door and shout "ya c**t" to the maitre d`, who normally is an older pensioner making their exit after a OAP Special.

It is then customary for two children to be taken to dine, one who should be aprroximately 8 years of age and called "Jordan" and preferably have some form of ADHD and referal to Social Services (which should be seen as a prerequisite for dining) and the other should be a baby which is fed a full sized king burger and cries.The gentleman should then order a full quintensential English Breakfast, whilst the lady must order any meal with chips.The chips must be held in the defiant hand of the babe, whilst a completementary chicken nugget must be sucked on as a substitute dummy.The drinks must be full of E Numbers and the 8 year old must be "high as a kite" swearing and calling his mother by the place name given by the dinner party, which is "ya fucker".The communication of the meal, must be aggressive and non respectful to the fellow diners whilst the children must run round the chairs and for bonus markings in the Chav Food Guide must knock food or eat a solitary bite of a burger to "to piss off" the cookee` of the banquet.

I will end this Starburger spectacular and ask for any fellow food correspondents to details their food experience.

Thank You







Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019