Gillingham (Dorset)

South West

The ****’s are a little upmarket round here, shoplifting in Waitrose, drinking wine instead of beer but you can hear them pile out of Legends on a Saturday night into their Peugeot 206s with the lary kits and the 12 yr old girls in tow…

Yep, that is the “****” in Gillingham, during school lunch you can see them ******* around the public lavs by the famous bridge painted by Constable, young teenage girls nipping into the gents for a quick one with their boyfriends or offering themselves to old blokes to wind them up.

The town is so sleepy that shoplifting is so easy that they just take what they want and never get caught.

One idiot though thought it funny to drive up real close to my XJ40 waving the W sign at me, when he peeled himself of his Pug 206 bonnet he rekoned his mates were “gonna” get me ‘cos they didn’t tolerate “townies” here, docile idiots too when his mate thought to get out of his motor after watching the driver get “educated” and again another 206 indentation was made…

I thought it very funny when the local copper came round and had a “chat”, they watched it all on CCTV but the “Mobile ****” round here is a problem, one of the nastiest things they do is drive round slowly looking for cats and dogs crossing the road and then floor the motor and **** them, this happened to my daughters 9 month old cat and these people have really made an enemy.

So apart from the toilets during the day, Gillingham is pretty CAAF (**** and ******** Free) but come the hours after school into the night and you start to see the neon kits and the screech of tyres and they buzz around town picking up their extremely young girlfriends who go on the nick in Waitrose.

This rare form of ******* can be spotted in its natural habitat next to the Total petrol station, it is a nocturnal habitat and only identifable by its neon blue or green scales, like the caddis fly, the lesser spotted Dorset ****, wraps himself in a peugeot 206 coccoon which may chrysalise into a Golf Gti or Escort-esque abode.

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