Gateshead, home of the Angel of the North, Metro Centre and gateway to Newcastle. It hosts some of the finest run down council estates in the North East and a wealth of Netto and Happy Shoppers. A perfect breeding place for the new generation of Charvas and their Charvettes.
As you see 15 year old Stacey, pregnant, pushing a pram, with a toddler walking alongside, you can’t help but wonder who sold her the cigarettes she is smoking; and how she had the money for them. As usual around Gateshead, her 24 year old boyfriend Steve, gives you a scary glare, and then continues to say “y’alright”, but in this sh*thole, “y’alright” means, “do ye want a bat for lookin at me missus”.
Don’t get me wrong, Low Fell has some nice houses, shame it is so close to Bensham for the inevitable break-ins. Speaking of Bensham, if you ever wanted to watch a car burn out, just leave your car parked around the area, it should be gone by the next morning!
As most locations, Wrekenton has a fine collection of ten year holds on push bikes, asking you to get them ten jps, and occasionally the odd 13 year old girl asking you to go in for wkd, since she has finished the frosty jacks her parents had bought her.
If you also have a passion for being started on by baldy old men, then just pop down the high street, anybody of any description NOT WELCOME, unless you’re a balding old radgie, of course. We do have the sage, and the Baltic, but you have to walk down from Gateshead Interchange to get there, and quite simply it isn’t worth the risk, although the rude and miserable staff at the Vue make it all worthwhile. Oh, and we have a great Tesco, honestly no sarcasm, it’s great. Except, it isn’t really 24 hours, if it closes on a Sunday evening, is it? The high street is also home to a man selling joke books on occasion, who also harasses pedestrians in the streets of Durham, and god forbid Sunderland, trust me, don’t try and talk your way out of buying it, just turn, and walk.
Gateshead’s most remarkable achievement has to be its place in the list of the most dangerous paces to drink in the uk, honestly, search it, it beat many cities hands down, even Newcastle, home to the Bigg market.
For those interested in serious C**v spotting, the Metro Centre is the place to go, with its wealth of cut price sports shops, Argos and other “discount” stores, it is a Mecca for C***s on a day out. Easily accessible by bus, and with plenty of parking spaces for the TWOC’d car, it lies only 2 miles outside the town centre.
Weekends (and weekdays after giro cashing/signing on), the younger c***s can be spotted in Metroland arcade, while older c***s prefer to congregate in the car parks or in the nearby McDonalds. The Sunday car boot sale at Swallwell, just over the road, provides some excellent opportunities to observe the c**v family picking up discount shell suits, sovereign rings and Burberry caps.
Sadly the demise of scrap yards in the area, has meant that parts for Corsas and Golfs are in short supply, however, the enterprising c**v can usually obtain these locally in the many car parks in the town centre. The Metro transport system is also ideal for tribes of suited up c***s to visit nearby Sunderland, while their chavettes stay at home on the estate to watch “Jeremy Kyle” and to look after “Kylie or visit the local benefits office. Gateshead town centre, after 11am is also a good time for would be c**v spotters..but don’t park in the multi-story!