Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in West London

After 3 years of overseas living, I returned to my old stomping ground of Fulham
for a long weekend recently. Imagine my horror on discovering ‘knuckles’ of
chavs swarming all over the place. Conspicuous by their ubiquity, audible before
visible, braying laughs followed by hacking coughs distinguish this urban sub
species…a perverted, low rent version of the country casuals of my youth.

They’re everywhere, these pasty uberscum. If this is what Britain truly has to
show for 7 years of New Labour then would suggest a cull/curfew policy be
introduced immediately. Following male chav offences to be taken into account…

a) Shifty stare, shifty footwork – compulsory military drilling
b) Excessively grating laughter, accompanied by inability to keep the body in
touch with the ground – laryngectomy/hobbling
c) Confrontational manner – 3 minutes in the ring with any professional boxer
d) Confrontational action – 3 minutes in the ring with any 2 Dobermann/German
shepherd etc…

Following female chav offences to be taken into account…

a), b), c), d) as above – same penalties
e) Appearing fertile – sterilisation, by any means necessary…