Living in Fleet, Lincolnshire
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in East Midlands, Lincolnshire

Fleet, an overflow area for the giant southerner retirement home that is Holbeach or “Holbekistan” as it is now known. an industrial estate in the mud, dogshit and rotting veg with some houses in it. Fleet is inhabited by 3 or 4 families of knuckle dragging inbreds who have lived there since before the birth of the dinosaurs, they enjoy making life as unpleasant as possible for any “incomers” to “their” village (but are not adverse to relieving them of their money), and then there are the southerners who retired here at 50 for the cheap “arzes”.

A flat featureless, miserable cabbage plantation of mud and depression. Fleet is also home of the Holbeach East bypass which carry’s more lorries a day than the M62 through the Fen lanes (goat tracks) to the A1 near the City of Peteboghorror and nearby Wisbeckistan, at night and weekends the local roads form part of the Holbeach Nurburgring which the “back to front baseball cap” Stig wannabe’s in s**t cars with “fart pipes” compete in a sick “death race” using domestic pets and even the odd human as moving targets, hurling empty Carlsberg export cans and McD’s wrappers out of the windows as the go.

Tractor racing is also popular with several local teams competing yearly with ever bigger and faster “turbo tractors” but ever smaller brains, they can say “dunt yo wunt cabbijes un yer plet fa sundi dinna” quite regularly if challenged.

There are plentiful “dog s**t” walks for the retired southerners, they come from far and wide to add to the dog s**t mountains often dicing with death on the roads along with numerous lycra louts, wannabe gypsies with “hosses and carts” and spaz cart drivers who seem to think the tractor racers and drivers of 44 tonne of Stobart’s finest give a s**t about them having “as much right to be on the road as they have”.

If you want to move here make sure you get a house that is resistant to earthquakes of magnitude 8 on the Richter scale as the local council built the “bypass” on top of blancmange, you wont need a water bed as it will go up and down regardless of whether you want it too. Best idea is just keep going till you reach the “other one” in Hampshire, best thing about this one is ehhhh, bog all.