Oh Feltham, Feltham, Feltham! What a wonderful place. For years Feltham has been the original home of the ****. Teenage single mums, boys with more arrset warrants than GCSE’s and Nova’s and fiesta’a flying up and down the high street. And the high street is where all the fun happens. Directly outside The Small Tesco’s is the **** hot spot. The original place to compare your freshly nicked nokia or your new 2 stripe trackie’s. And what’s more it’s directly in front of a mcdonalds! Yippee! Pound savers all round guys! The high street is far from picturesque. We have a bakers, a newsagent, blockbuster video, a turkish cafe (which guarantee’s the week off work) a wetherspoon pub ( cheap beer – top **** hotspot) one bank and everyones favourite, yep you guessed it… It’s Dalla’s Chicken and Ribs! And not forgeting Kwik Save. Apart from all that all the shops are boarded up. A great invention which came to Feltham a few years ago was 24 hour tescos. So when the ***** are bored at night they have somewhere to rob. Great stuff.

Nightlife : The only nightlife in Feltham is Cineworld and the Parks. Every weekend the parks are filled with White lightning, Kappa tracksuit bottoms, Foul mouthed Hair tied back gold ******* out loose teenage girls who are up for anything for a Two’s on your Sovereign cigarette and REAL men thrashing the **** out of an old nicked scrambler across the field. Nearby Kempton Market is a great favourite of the Feltham ****’s. You can pick up all the latest designer gear, at knock down prices! Fantastic! (Although 100% non-genuine, but c’mon who’s gonna know otherwise if u tell them your uncle got you it?) Top sellers are burberry and lacoste hats, stone island tops, ecko and avirex hoodies, kappa and adidas 3stripe trackies, schott jackets and louis vuitton hats and bandanas and donnay socks. (Just To name a few)

Cineworld is great for the *****. It’s a complex equipped with Cinema, Burger king, 2 resturants, Mecca Bingo and a ****** sports bar. A great place for the ***** to hang around. Many are spotted in the complex watching fruit machines until someones lost a few quid and in they dive with there couple of quid to become rich for a day. Another favourite is sneaking into cinema screens and making everyone else’s life a misery by talking loudly through the film and answering their phone when it rings. And remeber tuesday is cheap night, Half price films!

And i’ll leave you with this….

5 Things You would never find in Feltham

1. Manners

2. Taxpayers

3. A Virgin

4. Hope

5. a Grandmother over 35