Welcome to Exeter, otherwise affectionately known as “Ex’Ta” by its moronic chavish minority. Out of all of the cities in the entire UK, Exeter has to be one of the least chavish, for the meantime, that is.
The city centre is relatively clean and is favoured by residents and tourists annually, although always incredibly busy and noisy, but not in an overwhelming Kensington High Street way if you know what I mean. The Devonshire youths that pack the city centre on Fridays and Saturdays, myself included, can predominantly be branded as Pretty-Punks, Goths, Grungers and Skater-Boys, with barely a chav or townie in sight, I’m proud to say (this is because of Exeter’s thriving ‘underground’/’alternative’ music scene). However, if you were to venture outside the pleasant and vibrant confines of the city centre, the signs of chav-induced degeneration are clearly noticeable throughout the cities suburbs. The recent negative reformation of Exeter’s subs stemmed from pioneer chav migrants mainly from Briz’Ol, Brummy, Liverpool and Nu’Castle arriving in the city and sponging of the city’s wealthy Council and multiplying at near in-human rates. The chav spawn has seeped into Exeter’s schools and has slowly begun to corrupt the suburban youth of 21st century Exeter. If you have the will power, strength, and loud-enough thrash-metal music you can fight the chavish influences and drown-out the ranting and abuse hurdled at you from such intolerant and prejudiced skanks. Also, having long hair hanging over your eyes may help shield your sight from the gleam of the chav’s cheap and gaudy gold jewellery purchased during Argos’ January sales, or at the Matford Car Boot every other Sunday.
The hell mouth of chavish degeneration in Exeter opened up in Burnt House Lane many years ago. This rough neighbourhood sprawls through the eastern part of the city, were OAPs fear to walk in the evening. You see, their screams for help would be drowned out by stupidly loud and obscene hip-hop music and the odd gunshot. However, the degeneration doesn’t cease in Burnt House Lane: the Council stupidly relocated trouble chav families from Burnt House Lane (also known as ‘Laners’) to previously pleasant areas of the city, hoping that ‘The Lane’ would become a safer place to live. They were very wrong. Violent and obscene chav clans were sent to live in comfortable council estates beside old people’s homes and community hospitals in St. Thomas, as well as previously quaint and respectable subs like Exwick, Cowick, Newtown, Redhills, Heavitree, Whipton and Pinhoe. The local Spars and Off-Licenses in the ‘villages’ may have been delighted by the increase of fag and booze sales, but each and every local has been discontented by the chav football hooligans, vandals and thieves.
Pray for Exeter. I don’t want it to become the final glimmer of hope for non-chav Britain.