Erith (inc. Slade Green)

KentSouth East

Have YOU ever visited the Chav-Hole known as Erith? You have? Great! Then, need I say any more?!!!

This place epitimises the word chav. Now I am in no way posh or stuck up but Erith and the surrounding chav-burbs (such as Slade Green, Northumberland Heath and Belvedere) make me feel physically sick as I drive my car (quickly) through the area. Every single glance in any direction will guarantee you a glimpse of either a) a chav in a baseball cap or hooded top (worn with hood up of course) or both OR b) a chavette usually aged between 10 and 16 pushing her twins around in a scabby hand-me-down pushchair.

It goes without saying that the chavette from the Erith area will have the greasiest hair that you’d have ever seen. It will be tied back in a ponytail with a luminous green or pink hair band and this strange creature will have her 2″ fringe hairsprayed into a rock-hard state. I don’t know why, but this fringe usually enables the grease to run straight into the chavette’s eyes. Perhaps then that this is the reason that the young chavette mums’ eyes are always sunken and red (of course, nothing to do with the copious amounts of illegal substances available freely to chavs and chavettes from this area!).

Thankfully, a few years ago, the London Borough of Bexley decided to bulldoze the 1970-esque town centre of Erith and completely revamp it. This decision coincided with the ‘grand’ opening of a Morrisons shop along the riverside. At least the chavs now have somewhere to earn a few quid on a Saturday in order to pay a bit of maintenance to the chavettes who rear the young (the young are usually conceived in Erith Park after a night on the town sipping Barcadi Breezer’s). Sadly, I have witnessed more Morrisons trolleys in the river than I have actually in or around the shop itself. I guess that the shopping trolley is the preferred mode of transport for the Erith chav?

If you are reading this and YOU are an Erith chav – sort your life out and do yourself a favour – lose the Burberry!

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019