Erith (inc. Slade Green)

KentSouth East

Have YOU ever visited the ****-Hole known as Erith? You have? Great! Then, need I say any more?!!!

This place epitimises the word ****. Now I am in no way posh or stuck up but Erith and the surrounding ****-burbs (such as Slade Green, Northumberland Heath and Belvedere) make me feel physically sick as I drive my car (quickly) through the area. Every single glance in any direction will guarantee you a glimpse of either a) a **** in a baseball cap or hooded top (worn with hood up of course) or both OR b) a ******** usually aged between 10 and 16 pushing her twins around in a scabby hand-me-down pushchair.

It goes without saying that the ******** from the Erith area will have the greasiest hair that you’d have ever seen. It will be tied back in a ponytail with a luminous green or pink hair band and this strange creature will have her 2″ fringe hairsprayed into a rock-hard state. I don’t know why, but this fringe usually enables the grease to run straight into the ********’s eyes. Perhaps then that this is the reason that the young ******** mums’ eyes are always sunken and red (of course, nothing to do with the copious amounts of illegal substances available freely to ***** and ********* from this area!).

Thankfully, a few years ago, the London Borough of Bexley decided to bulldoze the 1970-esque town centre of Erith and completely revamp it. This decision coincided with the ‘grand’ opening of a Morrisons shop along the riverside. At least the ***** now have somewhere to earn a few quid on a Saturday in order to pay a bit of maintenance to the ********* who rear the young (the young are usually conceived in Erith Park after a night on the town sipping Barcadi Breezer’s). Sadly, I have witnessed more Morrisons trolleys in the river than I have actually in or around the shop itself. I guess that the shopping trolley is the preferred mode of transport for the Erith ****?

If you are reading this and YOU are an Erith **** – sort your life out and do yourself a favour – lose the Burberry!


Top 10 worst places to live in England 2020