East AngliaEssex

Oh please do not get me started.

Elsenham is a ****** little village just outside stansted airport. Although it maybe small, its overrun by ***** and druggies. I must be the small majority who is not chaved up here. About 1000 or more people live here, and about 50 of us aren’t *****. Even the Mums and Dads are socially ********.

I’m not joking when I say this, it’s nearly as bad as Harlow or ‘arlow. I have lived here for nearly 15 years, all my life, and it has gone downhill for bad to worse. It used to be ok, until one family moved in. Then they swarmed in like locusts. Now our small little village is taken over by a sea of burberry (or whatever).

How grim is your Postcode?

It depends which way you enter Elsenham really, if you enter from the north, you think oh what a nice village, if you enter from the south you think, oh what a ********. The ***** generally hang out by the park or as they call it ‘the rec’ or the memorial for World War 1 and 2 soldiers or as they call it ‘the memmers’. I mean, how gay. Plus the fact they have grafitted all over the memorial. Which disgusts me.

The language they use is so very odd. I think half the time they have no idea what they are talking about. And there seems to be different dialects of the ‘Elsenham’ language. A north side and a south side I have gathered.

Heres a basic summary of their language.

In(n)it – Isn’t it
Bruv – Someone’s close friend
Blud – Same as above
Safe – Enquiring that they are ok
Blatant – When something obvious even though they don’t know what it means
I Swear Down – This is my personal favourite. Not. I HATE this saying, it means I have done anything.
Aint dun nufin – self explanatory
Braaa Braaaa – I’ve never understood this one. Its either imitating a AK47 or something or implying a females breasts.
OH MY DAYS! – Please no. I hate this saying with a passion. It means Oh my God. But why can’t they just say that? They obviously aren’t religious.

You can also use a combination of these dreadful sayings such as ‘I swear down blud I aint dun nufin bruv’ or ‘OH MY DAYS BRUV DID YOU SEE THAT BLATANT GOAL, INNIT BLUD’

This is practically all they use for language so this is as i call it the Elsenham Dictionary.

Hope you find this useful

Top 50 worst places to live in England 2021
Top 50 worst places to live in England 2021