Eastbourne was once a sleepy seaside resort, where the elderly would flock in their thousands to block our beds in the General District Hospital, and eventually die. But, with the introduction of the c**v species all of this has changed.
No longer are evening walks around the promenade an option. Packs of townies hang out along this stretch of the coastline to smoke weed, throw pebbles at seagulls (and each other) and to generally be chavvy. Nightly brawls are almost guaranteed – especially now that the goth and sk8er movements are on the increase.
C***s are found all over the town, but there are four areas in particular: Old Town (Old Townie), Shinewater (Crimewater), Hampden Park (Hampden Pike) & Seaside. I happen to live in Old Town myself, but in a rather more posh part I’m pleased to add.
In this part of town, the c***s hate everyone, and each other. There are a number of gangs who congregate at the Recreation Ground (The Wreck) and outside Safeways on Friday nights. The odd gathering can be spotted on Victoria Drive outside the shops, and in Motcombe and Gildridge Parks. It seems that c***s enjoy the company of one another, even if they struggle to express this without violence or bling.
Moving on now to Shinewater. I visit this part of Eastbourne regularly as it is the home of my church. This is considered to be the most dangerous part of town where worryingly large groups of c***s meet to vandalise the Community Centre, and to terrorise (and often assault) passers by. I have sympathy for the Shinewater c***s though; the Council built several hundred council homes in this area in the 70s and 80s and ferried in the ‘problem families’ from all over the town. With an environment such as this, the expansion of the c**v culture is inevitable and people are soon sucked in. Poor c***s.
Hampden Park is relatively tame compared with the other areas I’ve mentioned. I don’t often visit this part of town, but crime levels are quite high around these parts, with sexual crime on the increase. Whilst I’m not saying that all crime is committed by c***s, it must be recognised that a lot of it is. Recently some c***s were prosecuted for raping teenage girls in the park itself… not nice at all. This district is a similar story to that of Shinewater, and so I’m reluctant to be too hard on the c***s in this area.
Finally, Seaside. The ration of c***s to non-c***s in this area is roughly 173284728070828:1 according to my calculations. Of these c***s, most are drug addicts, and many more are prostitutes. Crack dens can be found in sleazy one-bedroom flats along Seaside Road, along with regular street fights. This area is adjacent to the towns’ nightclubs, with a high concentration of pubs and bars which help to contribute to the problems in this area.
There are of course many, many more c**v hangouts in Eastbourne. Schools are full of the creatures, as is the Vocational Campus of Sussex Downs College where c***s attempt to input knowledge into their brains. Most c***s are incapable of logical thought, and therefore resort to the construction centre to learn a craft that is likely to cripple or kill them in later years. Yay.
Drug dealing amongst c***s in school is common. Last year I witnessed one by the name of D**** at Cavendish School pass a package to another c**v. This same c**v punched a lovely lad called Joe S***** in the face in school for no reason at all. Go figure. C***s can be found wherever one would care to look in this town, so take my advice: go to Iraq and stay there to avoid any further encounters with the c**v race.