South Lanarkshire, as a district, arguably constitutes the biggest geographical area inhabited, almost exclusively, by *****. Nevertheless, East Kilbride is the hub of South Lanarkshire and by this reasoning probably represents an international crime ridden epicentre.

A government stimulated 1950s ‘new town’ (similar to Cumbernauld), East Kilbride represents all that is wrong with artificial urban growth. The **** urban planning is exemplified by the utterly **** buildings in which all East Kilbride **** inhabitants reside, and ultimately the town centre which currently sports ‘the biggest shopping mall in Europe’. And it is in this shopping mall/drub re-hab clinic and bus station that the EK ***** loiter, spreading their **** stench, fashion, language and ******** qualities. Whilst you will be lucky not to trip over some **** *****’s child’s buggy upon disembarking at EK bus station or stab yourself on a discarded **** smack needle, you will find the entire town centre dressed impeccably to the ****’s Kappa/Addidas uniform. Harassment, stabbings, assaults, raping of EK and non-EK residents alike is not uncommon during daylight hours. Of course, anyone who has visited EK will report that the police station sits but only 1 minute from the stinking **** hotbed that is the EK bus station – but don’t expect any assistance from the said law enforcement agency should you fall victim to the heinous crimes of the EK *****; the EK coppers, quite disgustingly, have **** sympathisers in their ranks and/or are pathetically scared of your typical EK ****. As too are the social authorities, who continually and happily distribute benefits to these dreadful primates. The construction of council houses is also order of the day in the EK, which boasts the largest single council estate in Lanarkshire, thus encouraging the ***** to reproduce and for **** blokes to spread their foul spawn in an attempt to continue this perpetual misery and ****-ism.

Yet, it is after 7pm that EK really comes into it’s own. 7pm is, after all, feeding time for EK ***** who will at that time be hoarding round virtually every fast food establishment within the town boundaries, grunting at one another, sipping Buckfast, downing jellies and stabbing one another with their clearly ‘penis compensation’ flick knifes. Gang fights are not uncommon outside ‘Victors’ fish and chip shop or inside Hudson’s pub, the latter of which hosts numerous ***** trying to punt stolen, and largely sub-standard, goods or drugs. You may try to seek refuge in EK suburban areas such as, Green Hills, Westwood, White Hills, the Murray, but there is never any escape from the Burberry skip cap. Gangs of ***** patrol these areas also, spreading their crime, vandalism, GBH like prostate cancer.

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East Kilbride is the ultimate **** Town. Indeed, you are probably safer walking down the street in some of the most deprived areas of Glasgow, like Shettleston. However, South Lanarkshire constitutes one massive **** district, encompassing BNP hotbed Larkhall, murder-tastic Hamilton and Stonehouse, the latter being a new breed of rural ****-ism.

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