Come to East Ham and get a true lovely welcome! A spit to the face and death stares following you down the street await. Dare to look into an East Ham ****’s eyes and you’ll be “skanked” by another one cycling behind you with a baseball bat down his pants and a three year old toddler in tow, ******* on to his father’s shoulders. Then the toddler’s grandson comes along… And that’s the best hospitality that the town has to offer.
Travel south towards the border with Beckton, a town that smells of sewage, (as well as the obligatory dog poo and human faeces) and you will be plunged into an abyss of chavviness. A local shop sells a variety of products suited to the East Ham **** such as cigarettes, alcohol, weed and more cigarettes, alcohol and weed. A pair of ladies linger around the streets reeking of cheap beer and something that belongs in a cess pit call an ambulance to tend to their ailments while smoke comes pouring out of a home that’s occupied by half the population of Yorkshire (as well as a pack of wild animals AKA only known as “the yungas”. At least East Ham isn’t ugly… It’s hideous. But it couldn’t be worse when Manor Park, Barking, Beckton and Upton Park surround it. Oh, how could I forget Dagenham, the refuse pit of London. How silly of me. How silly indeed.
Dartford: once a thriving market town, now in decline
Northolt: The place that decency and cleanliness forgot
Hammersmith and Fulham one big awful hole
Hounslow is looking pretty rough these days
Thamesmead, one of the hottest up-and-coming charvo towns ever
Shepherd’s Bush: the red-headed stepchild that thought it was special
Neasden – Where the grass isn’t greener because there is no grass
Elephant and Castle – Yep, you’ve got off at the wrong stop.