Earl Shilton (Shilt-un)
Earl Shilton is located on the outskirts of Leicestershire which is already a long established Chav community, and just next to Hinckley a town once rich in industry and now a drugs, lager and violence focal point. Consumed by a clan, which I like to call “Hinckley’s Greater Unwashed”. But there is one great question of where do these Chavs come from? It can now be revealed that the longest and most adaptable Chav community is Earl Shilton a village that has brought Chav life to all its surrounding villages. The Chav society of Earl Shilton has gradually grown and spilt into every town, and is still growing. Although Chav communities have long been looked on as a ruff, uncultured slowly decomposing part of society, this May actually be an incorrect assumption. “Chavs are breeding” yes we all know that but it is a scary thought. Think about it this way.
2 Chavs and 4normal people in a small village. By the time all six are 16 the 4 normal people are growing up and starting work or university, the 2 Chavs have already had 2 children between them. By the time they are all 18 the 4 normal people are all working and bringing in money a large sum of which is being taken from them and given to the Chav family which has now grown to 5. The Chav family although primitive have now worked out that the less work they do and the more they breed the more money they receive from the workers… so they continue to breed. By the time the time the 4 working normal people are about 23 and have started considering the possibility of beginning a family possibly had one child the Chav Family are already on their seventh, popping them out like a vending machine and receiving the Workers money. Hence by the time the 6 people are 23 the normal working community have grown from 4 to 6 people and the Chav community have already grown from 2 to 9 and are soon to be expecting grandchildren.
This system has worked for the Chav family residence of Earl Shilton for literally hundreds of generations (about 100 years) and has with this process managed to almost completely eliminate any signs of normality and has grown its chav percentage to approximately almost 99.95% (I believe there is someone there with out a Burberry cap). The Earl Shilton community is an extremely close Chav community. On many occasions I have witnessed chav neighbors walking in and out of each others houses “borrowing what they like” Group “hugging” and they also seem to have a special language that they have devised over the generations that is now almost completely unrecognizable to the average human ear.
I have had someone attempt to mug me in Earl Shilton on no less than 3 occasions, and was once attacked by a large group of Chavs for standing next to a phone box…
Chav community centres.
The main Chav community centre in Earl Shilton is the “Lord Nelson Pub” which is a bit like a Chav committee house, where only established and long served Chavs May dine. Chav markings can be found on the exterior of this pub such as the water fountain like urine stains on all walls, and the strangely red bloodstains covering the pavement at the main access. I did know one brave sole who dared get a job behind the bar in this Chav establishment but after working there for less than a week he was brutally beaten for not serving the Chav god fathers with there fighting enhancing Carling fast enough.
There is a large Chav playschool or nurseries, which is commonly known as the park where we can find evidence of other fighting enhancement substances used by the younger more adventurous Chavs such as needles or cut up bottles.
And for the even younger Chavs there is a local school, which covers specialized classes in break hours such as: The art of Mugging, Pick pocketing, Knife fighting, and Colorful Languages
Finally I will sub up buy mentioning the local alcohol shop…
Victoria wine stores – extra cheap cider £1.00 for 5 liters and only 6 months out of date… anybody?