Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in West Midlands

Ahhh Droitwich or dwich or crap hole to the locals, its a crappy town just north of Worcester. The chavs here have made it a mini Kiddiminster causeing no end to annoyance and suffering to ppl they can take on.

The chavs or Townies as the local term here live in one of the loverly locations including westlands (or wastelands to locals) , chawson, parts of westacre basicly any thing on the west side of town though the east aint much better.

The activities of the younger chavs include hanging out at kwicksave after knicking Frosty jacks (they cant even afford 27p) then going round the back of brown and fincher to jump of the roof into the skip or stealing a slighty busted fridge or skybox from out back (which is being chucked any way) then not even hide it when they come round to take the money from there rented tele`s also from brown and fincher.

Moving onto the bigga chavs (they cant count over 5 so they dont know there age ) they hang out either at the Lido park (with a swarm of little chavs who think there cool if they hang with the bigga chavs) or at the Hop pole where they will get served even though they even look 14 as well as being 14, and normaly there is a fight there every sunday night (£1.50 a pint night)

Coming home late in dwich You may get an encounter of a chav group of about 5/6 threatening to beat u up if you dont give em money. Now there normally pissed stoned (or both) so if you do find yourself in this laughable situation just remember to follow this simple guide.

1. Stamp your foot they will normally run

or

2. wait till they open there arms out wide (so they look BIGGA and more scary) Just give em a wide hit across the face and kick it in the others will be so scared they will run away forgetting there mate and you can just carry on dont worry bout cops there arnt any (theve gone home by 7 out of droitwich)

and of course the latest chav activity for the elite 6 is cruises.
Not like a normal cruise you find in Max power no as we dont have a mac donalds they either hang in safeway carpark close to kingburger OR homebase carpark (close to a burger van).
With each of the 6 chav mobiles having a slight mod which if all 6 where added together it would make 1 poorly modded motor. Then they just sit there not get out or talk all just sit there listening to the latest tunes quietly (cause there system aint powerful enough to handle anything decent). Then when it gets late (11pm) they head home so mum can tuck em in there flea ridden bed.

Droitwich has a terrible infestation of townies but regular beatings does seem to keep em in check if your town is suffereing just kick em in 🙂


Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Uncategorised

As the saying goes, you are never more than 6 metres away from a chav. And this is true of Droitwich. I feel I must continue my crusade against the hideous towns I have visited over my 23 years. Droitwich city centre is small. The chav to human ratio is 10:1 around this area. Lowered Novas (natch) cruise around the narrow streets at 4 mph blasting out the latest “bitchin’ song” with more bass than a fish farm.

Westlands is the chav capital of Droitwich. Cunning linguists have named it Wastelands. But anyway… this is near an area where foxhunts are organised, and protested against. I propose ‘Chav hunts’. No foxes get hurt, the posh Lords and Ladies get the thrill of the chase. Who loses out?

Having worked in Droitwich, (well why else would I travel there?), I have encountered people with verbal skills that a 2 year old would put to shame. Unless they were a 2 year old chavling obviously. Co-workers took 10 breaks a day ” ‘avin’ a fahg innit.” During the lunch break the chavs would shun Dostoyevsky for ‘The Daily Star’ as reading material, more cultured chavs plump for ‘The Sun’.
25p brown water (sold as coffee) is the drink of choice as White Lightning is not available.

WARNING: GOING TO DROITWICH MAY BE DANGEROUS FOR YOUR HEALTH. EU SAFETY MINISTER

If you enjoyed this, why not check out my other reports: STRASBOURG and WORCESTER.