Doncaster (Donny mayte)

North EastYorkshire

Ah well then. where to start. Well i suppose we could start at the heart (the town center.) This is the big social gathering for the c**v twats that inherit this wannabe city  (I’m 15 so im talking from a teenagers perspective.) The newly built Frenchgate interchange is one of the most popular hangouts. In the underneath bus station, burberrys-a-plenty for the c**v enthusiast. Many of them like to hangout here to intimidate and start on passers by for no apparent reason (particularly if the passer-by has an interest in metal or long hair.)

The doncaster market is also a great asbo-wannabe hangout. In our market every item is either stolen or about to be stolen, so “get yersen a barngins mayte!”. The market is also a great oppurtunity for young c***s to begin their long aspiring buisness careers, getting a job carrying boxes or selling nokia 3310 cases, everything the young moghul needs to get on the buisness ladder!

Towards the outer part of town center, Asda next to the Dome is a great place for c***s to hangout and nick trollies. Also for the older c***s with a driving liscence (usually) to live their dreams of re-inacting need for speed underground and meet with their suped up lego on wheels and have donut and burnout contests all night long!

Next door is the doncaster dome leisure center. Only used by c***s mainly for ice skating. Yes even c***s have a talent in life. It doesn’t really get chavved up until the popular “Disco Nites” (friday – sunday nights are most popular) Where all the young inbreeds who cant get served in clubs can go to experience the disco lights and “bangin choons” all on a split level ice rink! Although i admit i do go skating regularly, my long black hair and differential clothing stand out from my fellow skaters, i don’t get any trouble from them. Either because i’m 6ft 2 and a lot more well built than the stick thin or 3ft 2 dick heads who would normally start for no reason, or because i know most of them from my wonderful school (Don Valley) and they are alright with me. Instead they tend to fight between themselves, either because “E bin chattin wi ma bird mayte!”  or  “Es a dik am gunna fuckin bang him”.  Needless c**v-on-c**v violence can get out of control.

Going into the villages of doncaster (Bentley, Toll Bar, Adwick etc.) and you get to the wasps nest. Personally living in bentley, i can give an account for the constant flow of c***s roaming the streets (high street shop front is most popular) and getting drunk off wkds and repeatedley saying they’re going to “bang” someone to ensure their “hard” rating.  Bentley park is also a great place for syringe spotting and bonging round the back of the ramps. P****s constantly roam this park posing a constant threat to anyone brave or stupid enough to walk through there at night.

Going back to my before mentioned school (Don Valley). The hardest and most c**v infested school in doncaster. Really if you dont have a knife they should give you one. In the past 2 days there has been 4 fights in school one nearly leading to a riot. Great entertainment admitidally, but still not a great thing to force your child to attend (if any of them turn up)
Police vans tend to bring into school the captured “twaggers”.  And we’re not at all scared to attack other schools (Beating up adwick school kids on their buses, smacking other schools at the multi-school gathering at the dome, Gathering for riots with nearby sheffield teenagers) so we hold no fear at all, muhahaha.

I could go on about the fact that doncaster has one of the highest teenage pregnancy / STI rates in europe, and ASBOS and hospitalisations are a daily event, but my fingers are getting tired, so basically, if you have to come to doncaster, dont make eye contact with people in town, avoid parks and estates, and for the love of god use a condom (if you decide to go for the either over or underweight fred perry chavettes).


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