Dirty Terry: My dad the scally enforcer on Merseyrail

My Dad works in Liverpool City Centre and is due to retire next July when he becomes 65. He despises scallies and would gladly set any of them on fire as long as he never had to pay for any money on petrol or matches. He stayed with his workmates on a friday evening in the summer to celebrate one of his colleagues birthdays and left about 9.00 to get home on the train.

Merseyrail reaches Southport, Ormskirk, Kirkby and Hunts Cross and has had a reputation recently for being one of the most reliable train services in Britain.

However, Merseyrail is constantly populated by annoying shitheads between the ages of ten to twenty whose only purpose is to see how long they can ride on a train pissed, smoking weed, walking up and down carriages with no sense of direction shouting, bumping past people, without being caught for fare dodging and getting “leggers off de bizzies” which means in plain English: “To be chased by a transport police officer”.

How grim is your Postcode?

They also like harassing people who want to mind their own business, in the hope that they can punch someone in the face who won’t fight ten tracksuit clad teenage ratboys back, these attacks are never carried out one on one just incase they do pick on a person who might like a fight but can be eventually overpowered en masse. Young girls on their own are normally harassed by these ugly Gollum lookalike ****** with such 007-esque chat up lines as “ey geerrrll, show us yer ****” or “giz a shag” Travis Bickle was right when he said about nightime “All the animals come out”

Anyway, just to give you a bit of background information, better get back to the point:

When my Dad got to the platform at Moorfields he committed the most unforgiveable war crime of walking near two Lacoste tracksuited weed smoking ******** teenage scallies and saying “excuse me lads can i get past please?”, not an act of aggression in the slightest really, I know wars have started for small reasons but this was nothing to get het up about.

They decided to be “hard” and not let him past and uttered such witty remarks as “Where d yer reckon you are going yer al’ ****!” When he told them to get out of the way he was met with the line “What the **** are you going to do about it Grandad??” He then pushed one out of the way and the Organ Grinder scally decided to take a pop at my Dad he made the biggest mistake of his life. My Dad used to be a keen amateur boxer, had broken Tommy Smiths’ ankle in a schoolboy match and when he was a youth worker, he had thrown the legendary Purple Ackey out of Crosby Youth Club in the late 1980’s when he was at the height of his powers.

My Dad ducked, this ***** did a full 360 degree turn due to his attempted punch being a complete haymaker, then BANG! right on the nose, he heard it crack and he fell to the floor completely out of it. The other one looked on in amazement but decided to have a pop even though his mate was sprawled accross the Liverpool to Southport platform with blood spurting out of his nose, I guess that sums up their intelligence. “I’m gonna **** you up you al ****” was the threatening battle cry, he stepped back as the scally lunged towards him, a right hook to the jaw a left onto the nose and a right just below the eye, reminiscent of how Ali finished Foreman in Zaire except Foreman actually punched Ali.

Both of them sprawled on the Gregory Peck totally out of it. Now there are a lot of CCTV cameras both in the stations and on the trains on Merseyrail yet he was never collared for assault, no one who witnessed the attack reported it to crimestoppers, nor did these two bell ends ever put in a claim that they were done over, I guess that they were too embarassed to do so – both of them getting done over by an “Al ****” was probably too much humiliation for them to take and they went back to picking on Harry Potter lookalikes who won’t ever have a go back.

I laughed my head off for days after he told me this as I am sure that the few onlookers did. Beware you ******** scally *******, Dirty Terry is about and he takes no ******* prisoners!

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