Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Durham, North East, United Kingdom

Once upon a time, I lived in a place without chavs, it was known as my mothers womb. A funny story is about to unfold, with many swearwords, many rants and many arguably stupid things, but hey, isn’t that all part of a chav anyway? Ahh well, here is my story, which I know will make you laugh.

NB: Chavs, do not hate me because I hate you, hmph.

When I was born, and cried and cried for many stupid reasons, now due to the stupidity that is, chavs. When chavs are born, you can tell, almost straight away, for many reasons, I shall not even go into the parent issue, I may save it until last, or i may not, you will just have to read to find out.

When I moved “up norf” in late 2003, my life changed for both bad, and good, for many reasons. I moved up due to my step-dad gaining a better, higher paid job with a company, which we all eagerly looked forward to taking, as it was a prospect for a new life. My previous home was on the wirral, 20 minutes drive through a tunnel from the 2008 capital of culture, liverpool. People sometimes say that liverpool is rough as an unshaven chin of a 60 year old man, but trust me, when it comes to rough, parts of Darlington could make liverpool seem like baby lotion compared to itself being sandpaper.

The chavs in Darlington, and surrounding areas must have increased by 10fold over the past 3-6 years at least. I’ve never known it to be so bad, ever. The school I happen to be in is not bad, but if you look closer, underneath this posh little exterior, lies a rough interior, disrupted often by the chavvy inside and the uproars that happen as often as death occurs to mankind.

You may have heard from it, it’s called borstal Hurworth Maths and Computing College and it’s situated in the little village that is Hurworth no s**t and is set in a lovely place. Sadly however, the characters in this school bring it’s reputation down, but thats only touching the surface.

In darlington, there is an abundance of chavsters, both small, and large and f*****g inbred but no matter how many there are, or what sizes they come in, you’re never short of them.

One thing I do know, is that there are a few types of chavs, which I will now shed some light on, and what I think of each type, enjoy.

Middle Class Plastic Chavs

You may not think of middle class as chavs at all, but do trust me, there are plenty of them, and they are not going away.

These chavs tend to be rich, thus having the “latest gear” yet still do similar things as a regular, dole-taking bastards, but with a bit more style, as such.

These chavs can be the most annoying when it comes to little things, but in the bigger picture, they’d s**t it if you told their mums what they had been doing that late friday night. I do pity these somewhat wannabe chavs, that try and say they are not, oh pity pity pity.

Complete Gypsy-Chavvy Motherfuckers

They may not be the chaviest bunch of c***s you’ve ever seen or heard of, but these bastards deserve a mention, to say the f*****g least. They drink their shitty little caravans bling-wagons into an industrial estate, tap into the neighborhoods power supply and plumbing, and just leech off of every other working, paying person who does not deserve to get higher premiums for this “leak” that these c***s have caused. What enrages me is when they send they’re cunty children into our public schooling system, for say a year, then then pop off to some other part of the county as they’ve been kicked out of that one after a reluctant council do sweet f**k all for ages while these gypsys leech like c***s. Honesty, who needs these fucks, I mean come on.

Recently saw a documentry on some of these bastards, and do you know what one person said, this was a 65 year old woman who had more tattoo’s than Ozzy Osbourne and had bitten the heads off of more mans cocks than Ozzy can do so to bats, she said this, “We’ve nowhere to live, nor work, so what are we to do, we have to settle down somewhere, what do you think we are, campers?” I mean come on lady, take a look, many a caravan with lines and pipes coming out the back to the mains and plumbing, which of course you c***s somewhat hijacked, looks like your camping to me, unwelcomly, f*****s. I honestly despise these people, they give us most of the chavvy bastards, f*****g chucking them into society, then popping one out everytime you open your legs wide enough to hold a pencil snugly in between there. I do pity these, but we’ve only just got started.

Dole-Robbing Lower-Class Chavs

If I had ever met a more excruciatingly exterminatable c**t, then here they are, the stupid raggedy bastards who go round wear yes, the latest gear, but no doubt it’s fake, and it tends to be roughed up, due to the over-excessiveness of their late nights sat drinking the cheapest drink and sleeping out or just being involved in fights (several of these with myself, behind-attacking pricks).

I do hate the way they are allowed kids these older c***s who obviously wouldn’t know what a condom is if it was thrown at them or know how to put it in without making sure it would split for that matter, daft c***s. I, to this day, do not know a smart Lower-Class chav, and I could probably get “survey says, FUCKWIT” if I we’re to produce one, but that’d mean 1) Getting assaulted by many, and 2) Time, which I don’t have. This is because these f*****s make war (and far too much love babies) for me to care really anymore, but for the benifit of this, I shall.

These f*****s start so many fights in my school, absolutely amazing. So many fights out of school, due to more f*****s, all being chavs.
This is most definately, the worst type of chav.

The moral of my rant is that chavs deserve nothing more than a good smack, and their parents need to have their ovaries and sperm-ducts tied, cut and completely ruined, so they can’t breed anymore f*****s. Once a chav is identified, castration must also happen, and the same for the girls, thus ending all chav lifeforms, period.

I must say, that was perfectly timed, just in time for me to watch some laugh out loud Devvo, and shake my head while saying “aha, chavs chavs chavs”.

For you to laugh at, here are some chavs that I happen to know;

Rebecca “Blingin” Russel

Natalie “Name That Knob” Rowbottom

Goodnight folks.