Written by Anonymous.

What Crewe lacks in quantity it makes up for in quality, it is only a small town, but it must have one the highest percentages of chavs (we call em scallies round here) in it’s population of any town in the country.
Favourite past-times of Crewe chavs include: hanging around in their front yard with their other 24 family members, scoring weed for their mum (or off their mum), sitting outside Mcdonalds and hassling kids for change, and taxing people.
The west end is the Crewe chav centre, other wise known as “The Cronx”, there you can see many chavs all walking about on their toes, comparing the size of their sovereign rings and lying to each other about how many fights they’ve had and won.
All chav families in Crewe seem to be related, there are a few well known families, that lots of chavs claim to be related to, even if they’re not, in order to gain instant cred with other chavs.
Popular Crewe chav catch phrases are:“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM” , “I’LL BANG YOU OUT” and “I’LL GET YOU SHOT”
All Crewe chavs aspire to be a gangsta, and look forward to the day when they are old enough to be sent to prison, a true sign of gangsta status for a chav, because they’re too dumb to realise that true gangsters are too clever or well connected to get caught.
Crewe chavs abide strictly to the chav dress code of stripey knitted jumpers, stripey polo shirts with the collars turned up, track suit trousers (tucked into socks of course) and Lacoste or reebok trainers; the older chavs sometimes replace the trainers with a pair of Rockport boots, that go so nicely with the track suit trousers.
There seems to be no upper or lower age limit to chavism in crewe, they are trained in the art of chavism from birth, and although most seem to grow out of it, many carry on well into their middle age. Neither are there any gender divisions, there are just as many female chavs as there are males, a female chav’s position in the heirarchy can be determined by the size and quantity of her ear rings, how many kids she has, and at how young an age she had them. It would seem that when a mother chav wants to LOUDLY discipline her chavlings with phrases like “GED ‘ERE NOW !!!” she will them to the supermarket to do it. Only the chavs know the reason for this, I have pondered for hours but it’s still a mystery.
The majority of female chavs are hugely overweight, probably due to the abundance of chippies in Crewe, there is one on nearly every street and their are enough chavs to support lots more. I truly believe that Crewe is one of the finest examples of a chav town to be found anywhere, if you don’t believe me, come and see for yourself. But you’d better be ready.







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