Coventry – Upper Stoke

West MidlandsWest Midlands

Upper Stoke, an inappropriately named area of Coventry.

Much of ‘Cov’ classes as prime c**v territory but I’ll have to mention a specific area, that of the Meadway, Hillside, Valley Road estate in the laughably named area of Upper stoke. This has always been a nasty part of town, and after 8 years away (in such chavy friendly places as Liverpool, Nottingham, Bromley and Mitcham, what a life!) I return to find it worse than it’s ever been.

The place might as well be renamed Stoke C**v, the only people who don’t stomp around in sportswear, fake designer caps, shitty jewellery and shiny new trainers (probably half-inched), are those that actually work for a living, and that ain’t many. Petty crime (you know the stuff, dealing a bit of puff, opportunistic stealing, plain beating people up) is worn as a badge of honour amongst these reprobates.

The c**v pub of choice has to be The Courthouse, recently acquired by a (ahem) drug tolerant member of society. Walk past this place of an evening, or a giro day, and be amazed how much abuse a small cluster of fuckwits can aim at one person. Stand on a warm day and marvel at the sight, loads of bare chested, cap wearing imbeciles, standing by their souped-up cars as they try and out-bass each other with their b-boxes, predictably blasting out some homophobic rap or mindless dance tune. Be amazed when the c***s start on each other, squaring up with fists decorated in overtly chunky fake gold rings. Most likely over whose turn it is to shag some dirty mouthed slag-c******e, torso (and often more) displayed 24-7, who’s been through half the area anyway. Then realise there’s no hope for the future generation as their bastard offspring, not yet out of primary school but already clad in the ‘uniform’, accost you outside the shop:

‘Go in and get us 20 fags will ya mate’
‘er, no’
‘ya facking w****r’, ‘facking prick’ etc etc

The area itself is a c**v goldmine, a short hop through the ‘new’ estate and you’re at Austin Drive. The c***s activities of choice here include: kick footballs against Sainsbury’s, drive as fast as possible down the straight stretch of road, size up the parked cars contents, hassle solo shoppers, half inch from Stage 2, and perhaps if they’re peckish and feeling rich, ‘grab a KFC’. The more adventurous c***s might even make it to ‘the Gallagher’, where they can nosh on sub-standard Maccy D’s, top up their wardrobe at JJB Sports, purchase some more quality ‘bling’ at ‘Lizzy Duke’s’ or just half inch useless tat from Poundstretcher, now cunningly renamed InStore for extra upmarket kudos.

What an area. It’s so bad they’re starting again. Hillside has now been totally flattened (see photo), Meadway will soon be demolished and new flats will be built. If you can’t beat ’em, flatten the s**m to the ground instead!

Top 10 worst places to live in England 2019