Coventry – the armpit of the midlands

West MidlandsWest Midlands

Hello. I will try to make this interesting. I don’t know whether any of you fine people have heard of Coventry and if not, you ain’t missing much.

Maybe I am naive, but surely Coventry is the Townie Capital of Britain! Foetus-***** congregating by bus shelters, delapidated telephone boxes, chippies etc. I am unfortunate enough to have to use public transport and I am often met with the lanky, spotty oiks, ******* about inside the shelter when they actually have no intention of catching said bus. They were drinking cans of Carling and smoking weed. What I found amusing was that the bus stop is located right in front of the local pub. I idly wondered whether they loitered in pubs waiting for a bus??!!

The locations above are situated down the road from my parents’ house. **** Central is the city centre.

The City Centre is a total nightmare. Hitler’s Lufftwaffe had the right idea when they bombed the **** out of it in World War Two. Maybe their Ayren supremacy ideals were not that misguided as I would have happily herded the Townie **** into concentration camps. Unfortunately, Cov City Council has taken over where our would-be invaders left off with their pointless Millenium Project.

How grim is your Postcode?

This White Elephant, like the Dome of the same name, is a total waste of money. Okay, they have built some nice flats, or “appartments” as people like to call them, but only the rich can afford them. The rich dudes may well be in a refurbed area, but the poncey wine bars and huge expanses of concrete open space (perfect for yobs to congregate, puke, fight and generally make nuicences of themselves) ensure that that area of Coventry will eventually meet its natural state: i.e. a **** hole.

As for Milleneium Place (completed four years late, ironically) The tacky digital Millenium Clock has already been vandelised numerous times and this location is where the ends of Trinity Street and the Burges (AKA Stabber’s Row) meet.

The Burges always resembles a war zone, irrespective of time of day. Although it is particularly unwelcoming on a Friday and Saturday night, it has to be said. The Burges is a mecca for McDonalds and KFC – **** Cuisine! For Foetus Townies (young ***** between the ages of 10 and 14) McTwat is their Church and sometimes I swear I can see an effegy of Ronald McDonald crucified on their fake bling crosses.

Anyone else reckon Cov is a dump?

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