colne is the best place for teenage youths it has a place called the ‘subway’, you go up on a friday night get wrecked and pilled up before paying £2 to go in and listen to the dj domunique on the decks. and if you go outside at about 10pm you will see some **** hot fights , and then finally go up to alkincoats for some birds to shag and then pull a few buckets and get blitzed. after that go down macky’s munch out and go for a cruise in odgeys mini mini metro ! go to earby and start some fights with the soft bus stop crew . or if you dont wanna do any of this then you can be a sad **** and stay at home all night ! sort your life out ! skip , cardiff and roper know what im on about ! by dj fusion

Colne, also known as Smackcentral is a small town in Lancashire, North West England which must be visited if you are a ****!

Fave chillout spots:

Macdonalds: the manager is a right old bag! they send us vouchers through the post and wont let any ***** use em! the ******** took the benches away aswell so now we have to stand up!
Matalan: opposite Macdonalds where all the fit boy racers go in there kitted up cars!
Dillons: used to be the fave hangout spot but not anymore, hardly anyone goes ther anymore cos u can’t do anything without gettin busted off the cops
Birtwhisle park: not exactly a park for younger kids, full of glass and burnt out bins! in the easter holidays everyone just used to go and get recked out of their faces!
Alkincoats: most recent chillout spot where some talented **** had sprayed a cannabis leaf on the bowling green! it look **** hot!

Fashion:

If ya wanna be a ****, u have to own a at least 3 of the following items;
pair of Rockports, trackys, Nike Trainers, Any item of gold, any item of Burberry, any item of Fred Perry or Henri Lloyd, a pair of knee length socks, Cap or a can of Stella! ITS THE **** LAW!

Drugs:

3/4 of the population of Colne have either experimented with illegal drugs or currently still use drugs. Smack, Crack, XTC, Weed, Speed, Shrooms, u name it, we have it! we also have some special drug using techniques aswell! Most teenage boys and girls smoke and the few who dont are called GEEKS!

Weekends:

A normal weekend would consist of goin up the tower, gettin so drugged up you have to stay in bed for a week. There is also a ‘mini version’ of the tower called ‘Subway’ for under 18’s on a friday night. £2 entry, go in, listen to the bangin tunes, watch the 12 year olds buzzin from taking pills, and….even if you can’t spare £2 to get in, wait outside at 10pm if you want to see a guaranteed fight! If your a goth or a mosher or you aren’t from Colne, DO NOT COME! u will most likley end up in Burnley Gereral Hospital!

**** Words and Phrases:

Who’s ya mate! = Wot The ****!
Screb End = **** Head
Docker = Scrubber
Pill Head = Someone who takes the much loved drug Ecstasy!
Do One = Go Away
**** Away = Go Away
Townie = ****
Did’s = Pills
can’t be bothered to list anymore!

Colne, famous for Wallace Hartly (the guy on the titanic i think), and for boasting the biggest paving stone in the world, wow what a place. A new boast of colne is that it actually spawned the race that is known as ****’s, colne is rife with them, driving up n down the ‘valley’ in their nova’s with hardhouse ****-core blaring out, and then meeting round the back of matalan for a top burn out or ******* outside dillions waiting for a none tarmacing, non burberry wearing people to terrorise! The theory that colne spawned townies is one that is often put forward by theorists, everyone is a tarmacing, burnley loving, BNP supporting, tracky wearing ******, all related to each other as well, they say that the townie disease spread from colne, that is only a theory at the moment but could soon be proved to be correct after finding burberry check fossils in surrounding hills! If you do happen to be in the minority don’t go up colne at night, mosher or ‘goff’ beating is one of their favorite past-times before getting pilled up and going up the tower (favorite **** night out) or down burnley (another townie haven).

Basically it is a ****-hole, steer clear.

How grim is your Postcode?